Why you CAN'T be the parent you always imagined you'd be.

"What are we doing wrong?"  Harlow asked me tonight at the kitchen table.  I've got to admit it's been one of our roughest days with the kids.  My reply.."I really want to spend more time with them..but they're just SO mean!"  It's so sad...and so true.
  When I was pregnant with Natalie I pictured all the wonderful things we would do together.  What a wonderful mother i'd be for her.  I pictured us cuddling on the couch watching Disney movies.  I pictured us having tea parties in the living room.  I pictured her sitting in the tub washing her dolls hair as I blissfully and gently washed hers.  What I DIDN'T picture was a daughter who would fight with her brothers over where they would sit on the couch for half the movie and throw popcorn.  OR for her to break half of her lovely antique tea set by throwing it in her toy box.  OR a child who absolutely LOATHES having her hair washed. The reason I can't be the mother I imagined for her is because she's not the child I imagined.
  No one pictures having children who misbehave.  No one actually dreams of a son who pees on you in the middle of worship at church!  No one pictures that they will fight and scream and at times make you feel like taking a good week long vacation from them.  No...no one ACTUALLY pictures the REALITY of parenting.  That it's not going to be like a sitcom.  That sometimes instead of a movie on the couch with the family you're going to get a wrestling match that rivals pay per view WWE(Thats still a thing...right?).  But here we are....with these children..these children who are truly OURS.  Not imaginary make believe ones.  I mean really....where's the line for the children who are always well behaved and never back talk?
  I think that to become truly AMAZING parents we have to become the best parents we can be for the children we have.  Mean and all!  And accept that family time isn't always going to be warm and fuzzy....but does it really have to be?  Won't these beautiful creatures look back and see parents who really tried and loved them?  And I bet these memories will look VERY different to them.  And isn't that the whole point?  To make memories.
  And you can't know how to protect and love a child until you truly know them.  Each is different...with different needs.  Until we step away from the cookie cutter image of what a family is "supposed" to look like can we really love our own for the way it is.  So what if we don't hang Christmas lights?  So what if my kids swimming in the Baptistry (Oh yeah...that happened!), so what if ...just SO WHAT.  From now on I vow to just go with it....hope for the best and give them all I have.  And love them even more when they're really unlovable.  AND Thank God he made them cute!

Misconceptions of my youth...a post for the uhhmm young and dumb.

See that girl...the brunette..not the blonde, the blonde is actually quite brilliant.  :)  That is 14 year old me.  Young, fit, feisty..know it all me.  Young and DUMB.  There's this buffer age...I think it started at age 11 for....and well...NOW I know better than to say it's ended.  Up until you actually reach "on your own" adulthood you know it all.  Oh gosh...I sit here and shake my head in hopes that this blog post helps some poor young and dumb person before they hit the reality wall.  Let's get started.

1.) Health insurance!  Enjoy it while Mom and Dad pay for it.  Because as soon as you reach that golden age, 18 if you're not in college..and 21 if you are... IN SOME CASES not all.  All at once you discover that you actually have to PAY for doctors visits and medicine.  And they don't come cheap.  I think one of my most terrifying moments was in 2008 when Harlow was laid off and we were both without coverage for 6 months.  I avoided sick people like they were lepers!  AND when you do have it..you get to learn that even though you're paying upwards of 300.00 a month in our case for a family YOU still have to shell out whats called a co-pay.  You get to learn ALL about 80/20's and 90/10's.  And you no longer run to the doctor for sinus infections and colds.  You gotsta be dying before you'll do it when you're old.  THIS is why your parents rarely go to the doctor.

2.)Cars/Car payments!  When I was 16 I wanted my Dad to buy me a new car. He said no and I argued that the payment couldn't be more than 300.00 a month and I would pay for it with my little part time job.  I am laughing RIGHT now.  What I didn't understand was interest..that my 15,000.00 car would turn into a 30,000.00 car...that my car would require full coverage insurance($$$$ for a 16 year old girl), tags, title, licensing...NOT to mention care and upkeep.  Cars require maintenance...tire charges, oil changes, fluids of all sorts.  Driving is NOT cheap.  Take what you get for free...if your parents ARE kind enough to GIVE you a car...even if it's a clunker!  And LOVE them for it.

3.)Renting/Mortgage!  This was a particularly tough lesson for me.  Anyway,lets say you see an apartment  for rent for 200.00 a month.  That seems cheap on your 18 year old salary from working part time.  You start to think your parents are just cheap or tight wads.  The things you do NOT know...and FYI $200.00 was an example..you are NOT going to find a place to live..at least not a place you want to live, for 200.00 a month.  So, lets say rent is 200.00, and then you have your electric bill 100.00, water 15.00, garbage 15.00, cable 50.00, phone/internet 100.00.  SO..now your apartment is 480.00 a month.  Still..not too bad.  Where you going to get furniture? Groceries? Cleaning supplies?  Not even shower curtains are free my young friends.  AND you still got your cell phone...your car...your car insurance...you with me yet?

4.)I will get to sleep as much as I want when i'm an adult!! HAHAHAHAHA!  Sleep now....A LOT!  Because when you have a job to get to instead of school....the worst that can happen is not detention.  You get fired...then how are you going to pay your bills?  Hm?  And later on, if you have children, you will never sleep again.  NEVER!

5.) I will be able to eat whatever and whenever I want!!  This one is actually true.  You CAN eat McDonalds EVERY day if you want.  You CAN go to Huddle House at 3 am if you want.  But you are no longer in sports.  You're not getting 30 minutes of PE everyday.  Doesn't take a genius to realize what happens when you eat garbage and you don't move your booty.  Cause you're at work all day paying for your car and your apartment. :)

6.)Work will be fun! HA!  Maybe...depends on what you do, where you live, how much money you wish to make, if you deal with the public, if you deal with a boss, if you are in charge of other people, if you have to be at work at all.  You get it.  Thats real cute too.

7.)The value of a dollar.  When your parents foot the bill, and depending on how you were raised, it's hard to put a lot of value on your daily needs.  Clothes are not cheap and neither are your toys.  Your iphone is expensive, your ipad is expensive, your laptop is expensive, your lunch at school costs your parents 30.00 a month.  You getting it?  Now..what if YOU had to pay for it.  You'd start valuing your belongings and the belongings of others a lot more.  It's different when YOU'RE the one working like crazy to buy this stuff.  A bag of KRAFT cheese costs 8.00 at Walmart.  Some people in our area only make 6.50 an hour.  They have to work OVER an hour to buy that bag of cheese. 

These are just a few of the SHOCKING things that happen when you reach that magic number of 18.  Go hug your parents.  Go tell them you love them.  If they provided you with just half of whats on this list, they love you and you are blessed beyond measure.  Enjoy being young and dumb....*evil voice* while you can!!

Is your baby weird?

  I'm not going to lie...my kids ARE hilarious.  But what is funny and what is just plain weird.  Well, in our case...the weird has almost always been funny too.  And if it's just my kids that have developed weird quirks...then...have a laugh on us.  Today i'm going to discuss the kid quirks....the odd...the funny...the disturbing..and the ones that require medical attention!  BEYOND thumb sucking, BEYOND hair twirling..there lies that grim area.  The weird area!
  Example 1.)  Natalie and her spitting.  I feel like i'm partially responsible for this one.  See, when I get pregnant I get SICK.  Look like death, throwing up 24 7..SICK.  And one of the things that come with glorious hyperemesis is spitting.  I'll stop right there to keep from going into gross medical detail.  Anyway...we'd just be out in the store and here would be my little curly headed darling spitting in the floor....out the window..on the track at the park.  It's gross!  Strangers would give us "the look" and right away i'd feel like I had to explain.  Which led to me going into gross medical detail to complete strangers.  Looking back I hope that they learned to keep their awkward looks to themselves because i'm sure hearing my medical issues in the middle of Food City wasn't fun! Thank God she outgrew this and figured out it wasn't socially acceptable to spit in the floor of walmart!
 Example 2.) Aiden's leg rubbing.  One day we were walking and he just stopped to rub his knees together....we laughed..it was cute!  Then it was an every few steps kind of thing.  You'd be in a store...look down and he'd be 10 steps behind you...rubbing his knees together.  Weird!  At this point we had Weston..and after 3 kids you no longer care to acknowledge "the look".  I actually did take him to the doctor for this..who laughed and told us not to acknowledge it and it would go away.  It did....after 3 more months of 2.5 hour grocery store trips!
  Example 3.) Aidens stutter!!  Oh my gosh!  It's natural to try and finish a persons sentence when they stutter, BUT you shouldn't.  Aiden's stutter wasn't like that.  He stuttered sounds...or mimicked if you will.  The timer on the dryer, the noise the car makes when you haven't buckled up.  Things that drive you nuts.  And just like when a person stutters a word...I had to just ignore this for it to go away!!!  I did explain this one to strangers....mostly because they'd be just as annoyed as me!  Thank God he outgrew it!
  Example 4.)  The Ninja phase.  Not really weird...unless your kid attacks inanimate objects in public like our Aiden. OHHH this one required many trips to the ER.  One particular trip that stands out is the day Aiden attacked a metal park bench.  The bench won!  He bruised his inner ear.  I had no idea you could do that!  I really appreciate our pediatrician who told me not to ever explain my kids injuries...bumps and bruises are a sign of a healthy childhood and parents who love their child enough to let them play.  That statement has stuck with me ever since.
  Example 5.)  Lets just say our third child, Weston, he has a lot of quirks.  One huge one that has required medical attention.  We are potty training.  And Weston was trying to make a stinky and fell in the potty.  Of course we laughed...he was adorable with his bum stuck in the toilet.  Now, my child is stubborn...and didn't appreciate the laughter.  Sooooo..what does he do?  Decides he will NEVER poo again.  I didn't even know a person could do this.  But..yes, he would sit in the floor...and scream "NOOO"..and just not go!  For days.    Real fun when you're in public and your son screams "I NOOOO Poo!" After 4 HORRIBLE days I took him to the doctor where he was given miralax and is now on the mend.

  Kids are CRAZY!  Tiny lunatics who stuff your tub drain full of peanuts....tell strangers WAY too much and laugh at the most inappropriate times.  Now that you know just a small few of my kids quirks (Oh yes, there are more..some too embarrassing to post online!)  maybe you feel a bit better about your darling who talks to your oven mitt....or your tiny champ who refuses to wear anything that buttons.  Kids are weird.  And that's just that!
  Google has always helped me when I needed to know if something was...eh..normal?  And I never hesitate to take my odd or seemingly disturbing quirks to our pediatrician.

Stand firm

My first mobile blog post so if there's some random auto correct forgive me. As I type I'm riding shot gun on our way to take Sawyer to Lexington for a scan. After some reassurance from a dear friend (thanks Pam!) I'm not as concerned with that. I apologize for my absence lately. As some of you know our family is facing a big move soon. My husbands job isn't always an easy one. As I stated in my "about me" section, we love Hazard, and its our home but its not always possible for us to stay here. Let me explain. My husband is a conductor for CSX. And in eastern KY trains haul coal. Since coal is no longer being mined here the way it was 2 years ago.....well, they don't run empty trains. So, I've been holding my breath while waiting to see where and when we will be transferred. Trying to plan a move with 4 kids, 2 in school, is hard enough. Not knowing where you're moving to or how long you have at home is very VERY stressful. So if I look like a zombie, please understand. While this is a blessing that my husband will still have a job and all the other blessings I'm sure God has planned.......it's still hard. The end to a chapter. And like with any good book you mourn. I have faith that God guides but I am human and right now my heart hurts for this ending. Yet I'm excited and anxious to see what's next. It may be another 5 years before we can hold down Hazard again ( blog name makes sense now,eh ;) ). Stay tuned for what's next.... Some pro moving tips. Yeah, I've earned pro moving status. And tips and tricks I've learned over the years of moving with children.