Let's all agree that being busy is no longer cool. We can do that ya know. Lets put to rest the idea that we all have to be perfect and attain this perfect image of wife, mother and family. As women we neglect ourselves in many different ways. I honestly don't know one single Mom who doesn't put her needs on the back burner at all costs. And that's sad.
I am in no way saying that we shouldn't put our families needs first. When the family..working as individuals towards the common good put the whole first..then that happens anyway. Let's be honest though..they rarely do and it rarely does. Most of the time it falls on the shoulders of the family Super Hero...Mom.
I'm a mother to four absolutely wonderful kids. I bathe them, clothe them, feed them, drive them, clean after them......You get it. I have gone without new clothes and shoes for longer than I care to share out of embarrassment......even though we could afford it..because of that awful thing called Mommy guilt. First..if we're going to be happy...lets all agree to put that mess to rest. No more Mommy Guilt! If your children have their needs met....and a new toy or the new line of Mud Pie or Matilda Jane is not a NEED....then buy yourself shoes! Or pants...or a new dress...and if you're not quite in the budget for clothes then buy some new nail polish!
Secondly...Lets stop lying to ourselves that we have no time for US. Put your kids on a schedule! It might take a month to get it down but it's so worth it! My kids lay down at 7:30. They get an hour of TV and then they're asleep by 9. I use that time to stretch...workout...watch TV...answer emails...Whatever :) If you don't have time right now...sit down and make it! Nothing beats 30 minutes of silence with your own thoughts.
Third...Eat right and move your butt. You CAN afford to eat better and you should. If you don't take care of yourself now you'll end up having to have someone take care of you later. Bad habits lead to disease and poor health. That's just the truth and nothing more. I am currently trying to love myself better in this aspect and it's working! A 20 minute walk after you drop the kids off....a 30 minute workout video...Yoga...Pilates....even if it's just 100 jumping jacks a day..Move. The more you take care of you the more you'll love you.
Four...Use good shampoo. Really. It's that simple. It's a small luxury, very small. But when you only have time to fix your hair, make it count. And who doesn't love a gorgeous main!
Five..Be gentle with yourself. Every one makes mistakes. Every one has bad days. Be gentle. Don't rush yourself. Don't stress yourself. I know that sounds cheesy..but really, take a few minutes to breath. You're not on anyone's clock but Gods. The world won't end if you're 5 minutes late. And the "worst that could happen" seldom does.
Six ..Just smile...even if you don't feel like it...even if it's just at yourself in thee mirror.
Seven...Do things that make you happy. Get a sitter and go see a movie. Read. Listen to 90's music as you dance in your socks. Let loose you wild thing!
Eight..Drink water like it's your job. It makes your brain work. :) AND makes you feel loads better.
Nine..less social media more face to face interaction :)
TEN...Wake up every day and start Thanking God. Be so grateful! For your blanket, your floor, your hair, your tooth paste, your fridge, your spouse, your food, your coffee, your couch, your car, your kids teachers, the radio.....You can't be in a bad mood when your feeling grateful!
Holding Down Hazard. Crafting, parenting 4 kids and juggling life's CRAZIES!
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
So...your kid hates church..?
This may come across controversial...but..hey..it's my blog :)
I was talking to a lady after the baptism of her 30 year old son. She said "I used to drag him to church EVERY Sunday morning! Even when he said he hated it...I MADE him go anyway!" She was so proud of this! THAT made her feel accomplished. All I heard was that her son had been in church that long and is just getting saved and having a relationship with God at age 30!! That her son obviously hated church as a child. Don't get me wrong...we all find our Journey at different times. But....why? Why did it take a man raised by a Godly family this long? Why did he hate church?
THANK GOD he opened my eyes. You see...my relationship with God is the MOST important relationship I have. It's the most important relationship ANY of us should have. So..how does this pertain to kids hating church? I'm getting to that...just taking the long way round.
When I was growing up church was what you did to get into Heaven. It was where they talked about dead people, the guy who made everything and talked about bad people. You HAD to go. You HAD to remember the Bible verse for the week. You HAD to wear uncomfortable "church clothes" and above all else you HAD to behave. That's a tall order for a child. To sit and listen to people go on and on ....reciting verses from a King James version Bible (Not hating but no one talks like that and God hears you prayers even when you don't say "Thine" and "Thou" ;) )......It wasn't relevant to me. It wasn't relevant to my life. Yeah...those stories were true...but they meant NOTHING to me. How did me hearing about some guy in a whale make me a better person or get me into Heaven. I was obviously really way out in left field and lacking guidance. Most importantly..lacking his presence.
And sadly...I hated going to church. When I got old enough to read my Bible..the God I read about wasn't the one i'd heard about all those years! Don't go and say that I bashed the church I grew up in and the people in it....I'm not. I love them..but I honestly think they, like many others got caught up in the religious "rules" and ritual...and drifted from the church's real purpose.
And once I got old enough to not be physically dragged...I didn't go. I had no more relationship with God other than the occasional prayer to take away a bad hangover (yeah, I used to do that)...or a prayer to make something go in my favor. Basically I grew up on a pew and had no real relationship with God.
But that wasn't my parents fault...right? I mean...they MADE me go. I was there! I knew all the hymns! I knew the stories! But those stories weren't about me. They were history.
And don't go say i'm blaming my parents! While it is a parents responsibility to help their child develop a relationship with God....mine..like many others...took the approach their parents took.
BUT WHAT IF WE DIDN'T!
If your child hates going to church.....ask why? Really take note....sit in on their lessons. Church should be refreshing! It should be.. IS SUPPOSED TO BE enjoyable! Loving! An uplifting experience. A place where we develop relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Where we build family and a community around our kids. So that when they look around they not only see people they chat about the weather with twice a week....NO....but bonds. People who love them, lift them up. AND most importantly people they can actually SEE having a relationship with God.
Don't go thinking i'm telling you to leave your church and find a new one...I'M NOT! But if your church is lacking a childrens program that shows your kids that the Bible isn't a history book but that its about them too....then maybe you could start one. A wise guy once told me "If you've got the burden..you've got the job!". Aaron McReynolds book "The Fabulous Reinvention of Sunday School" is a GREAT resource to start with.
If your church has a GOOD childrens program....dig deeper...your child might be dealing with a bully....or maybe theres a personality conflict between your child and one of the Sunday school teachers.
Maybe your kids just not a morning person! See if your church offers a later service.
And, sadly, I am aware that not everyone has been blessed with an awesome church experience. Not everyone has been to a church where they, themselves, feel loved and accepted as they are, where they are. First, i'm so sorry that has happened to you. Not all churches are like that. Don't stop going and seek until you find a church that you feel at home at. And then get plugged in. Find ways to get you and your family involved. A church isn't just a place to go a couple times a week. Its a group of people who love you, and you should do life together WITH your church. Don't think of it as a building...but a family. When you do life together, you not only surround yourself with people who live their life through him...but your kids as well. People who hold you accountable. People who pray with you through the rough times and rejoice with you in the good. Church, done the way it was meant, is a beautiful BEAUTIFUL thing. :)
There's nothing more important than your relationship to God......and it's our responsibility as parents to help our kids develop a relationship with him. Do whatever it takes! Even if it means taking yourself out of your comfort zone. Besides, that's where growth comes from. Nothing is more important. Of all the places kids hate to go..the doctor, the dentist... Your kids should NEVER hate church. Those words falling from my little ones lips would crush my heart. I hope my ramblings have helped someone somewhere. Pray on it.
I was talking to a lady after the baptism of her 30 year old son. She said "I used to drag him to church EVERY Sunday morning! Even when he said he hated it...I MADE him go anyway!" She was so proud of this! THAT made her feel accomplished. All I heard was that her son had been in church that long and is just getting saved and having a relationship with God at age 30!! That her son obviously hated church as a child. Don't get me wrong...we all find our Journey at different times. But....why? Why did it take a man raised by a Godly family this long? Why did he hate church?
THANK GOD he opened my eyes. You see...my relationship with God is the MOST important relationship I have. It's the most important relationship ANY of us should have. So..how does this pertain to kids hating church? I'm getting to that...just taking the long way round.
When I was growing up church was what you did to get into Heaven. It was where they talked about dead people, the guy who made everything and talked about bad people. You HAD to go. You HAD to remember the Bible verse for the week. You HAD to wear uncomfortable "church clothes" and above all else you HAD to behave. That's a tall order for a child. To sit and listen to people go on and on ....reciting verses from a King James version Bible (Not hating but no one talks like that and God hears you prayers even when you don't say "Thine" and "Thou" ;) )......It wasn't relevant to me. It wasn't relevant to my life. Yeah...those stories were true...but they meant NOTHING to me. How did me hearing about some guy in a whale make me a better person or get me into Heaven. I was obviously really way out in left field and lacking guidance. Most importantly..lacking his presence.
And sadly...I hated going to church. When I got old enough to read my Bible..the God I read about wasn't the one i'd heard about all those years! Don't go and say that I bashed the church I grew up in and the people in it....I'm not. I love them..but I honestly think they, like many others got caught up in the religious "rules" and ritual...and drifted from the church's real purpose.
And once I got old enough to not be physically dragged...I didn't go. I had no more relationship with God other than the occasional prayer to take away a bad hangover (yeah, I used to do that)...or a prayer to make something go in my favor. Basically I grew up on a pew and had no real relationship with God.
But that wasn't my parents fault...right? I mean...they MADE me go. I was there! I knew all the hymns! I knew the stories! But those stories weren't about me. They were history.
And don't go say i'm blaming my parents! While it is a parents responsibility to help their child develop a relationship with God....mine..like many others...took the approach their parents took.
BUT WHAT IF WE DIDN'T!
If your child hates going to church.....ask why? Really take note....sit in on their lessons. Church should be refreshing! It should be.. IS SUPPOSED TO BE enjoyable! Loving! An uplifting experience. A place where we develop relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Where we build family and a community around our kids. So that when they look around they not only see people they chat about the weather with twice a week....NO....but bonds. People who love them, lift them up. AND most importantly people they can actually SEE having a relationship with God.
Don't go thinking i'm telling you to leave your church and find a new one...I'M NOT! But if your church is lacking a childrens program that shows your kids that the Bible isn't a history book but that its about them too....then maybe you could start one. A wise guy once told me "If you've got the burden..you've got the job!". Aaron McReynolds book "The Fabulous Reinvention of Sunday School" is a GREAT resource to start with.
If your church has a GOOD childrens program....dig deeper...your child might be dealing with a bully....or maybe theres a personality conflict between your child and one of the Sunday school teachers.
Maybe your kids just not a morning person! See if your church offers a later service.
And, sadly, I am aware that not everyone has been blessed with an awesome church experience. Not everyone has been to a church where they, themselves, feel loved and accepted as they are, where they are. First, i'm so sorry that has happened to you. Not all churches are like that. Don't stop going and seek until you find a church that you feel at home at. And then get plugged in. Find ways to get you and your family involved. A church isn't just a place to go a couple times a week. Its a group of people who love you, and you should do life together WITH your church. Don't think of it as a building...but a family. When you do life together, you not only surround yourself with people who live their life through him...but your kids as well. People who hold you accountable. People who pray with you through the rough times and rejoice with you in the good. Church, done the way it was meant, is a beautiful BEAUTIFUL thing. :)
There's nothing more important than your relationship to God......and it's our responsibility as parents to help our kids develop a relationship with him. Do whatever it takes! Even if it means taking yourself out of your comfort zone. Besides, that's where growth comes from. Nothing is more important. Of all the places kids hate to go..the doctor, the dentist... Your kids should NEVER hate church. Those words falling from my little ones lips would crush my heart. I hope my ramblings have helped someone somewhere. Pray on it.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Daughters.
My baby girl is beautiful. In fact when I first laid eyes on her she was the most beautiful creature i'd ever seen. She's a sweet soul with a golden core. And with 3 boys ..she's everything right in the world. Our corner of pink in a house of blue.
I fear for her. A lot. Actually that's a gross understatement. In a world of Mileys and Brittanys it's really hard to show..and better yet make a girl believe that she's special, beautiful, enough. It's hard to make a girl believe that she should be nothing like what society and the media depicts a woman to be.
I used to think it was a teenager issue. That I had years before I had to worry about these things. But all it takes is one stroll down the Barbie aisle or a trip into a certain "childrens" clothing store and you see it's a RIGHT NOW worry. Scantily clad dolls.....clothes that barely cover bootys. What are we trying to tell our girls? What are we showing them? And you look at the media....there are no role models....not good ones anyway. Not even Disney is a "safe" area.
I'm not saying I want Natalie to grow up ashamed of her body...NO...the opposite really. I want her to be so proud and comfortable in her own skin that she understands that she's beautiful enough without having to wear a dress to her crack and a top cut to her navel to appease anyone. I want her to rejoice in her beauty...to know deep down that she's the most gorgeous creature. To see herself as God does. As myself and her father does. So when she's in high school and her crush decides to go to prom with a girl that doesn't have the same self confidence.....and sadly..may well..shows too much skin..she will know it's because there's something wrong with him. Not her. And she'll move on ...happily!
I want her to see that being humble is a beautiful quality to have. That being boastful and cocky about anything other than Gods love for her is stupid. And more....ugly. To know that she's more than whats on her sleeve. I am saddened DAILY...mostly on FB..by mothers who constantly make a fuss over the brand their daughter has on her back. Whether they realize it or not you're telling your beautiful daughter she's nothing more than whats on her back. Nothing more than material things. I want her to be so confident in herself and the beauty within her that she radiates it...even in sweats ...or covered in mud.
I want so bad for her to know...and I mean REALLY know that she doesn't have to take trashy selfies on social media sites to get attention. No arched backs.....not butt sticking out...NO duck faces. That her beautiful smile is enough. And if she has to be a picture hound like her Momma to make it pictures of her dirty, playing soccer. Or gardening with her Dad....or playing with her little brothers. THOSE are the things that represent her.
And for her to know that when I tell her this next thing....and it's HUGE..that her Momma isn't making it up. Ready for it.....GOOD boys/men don't like those things either. They really don't. When picturing their wife and the mother of their future children..they're not picturing her half naked taking shots dancing on a table. Nope. And while those types might be popular with the high school caliber BOY......not so much a few years later when it's marriage talk. To know that she's too precious ...too beautiful not to wait for the one God made for her. I just want to raise a God girl in a Miley world. And I honestly think if more Moms and Dads said "NO" to sexing up our little girls....NO to pageants (YES, i'm anti-pageants)...NO to the horrible messages in a lot of todays mainstream music....NO to the awful smut they're peddling as entertainment....Just NO to making these babies grow up faster. And a YES to nurturing their innocence...their hearts..to being involved and reassuring them that being a good girl is not something to be ashamed of. AND to raising men who recognize that.
I fear for her. A lot. Actually that's a gross understatement. In a world of Mileys and Brittanys it's really hard to show..and better yet make a girl believe that she's special, beautiful, enough. It's hard to make a girl believe that she should be nothing like what society and the media depicts a woman to be.
I used to think it was a teenager issue. That I had years before I had to worry about these things. But all it takes is one stroll down the Barbie aisle or a trip into a certain "childrens" clothing store and you see it's a RIGHT NOW worry. Scantily clad dolls.....clothes that barely cover bootys. What are we trying to tell our girls? What are we showing them? And you look at the media....there are no role models....not good ones anyway. Not even Disney is a "safe" area.
I'm not saying I want Natalie to grow up ashamed of her body...NO...the opposite really. I want her to be so proud and comfortable in her own skin that she understands that she's beautiful enough without having to wear a dress to her crack and a top cut to her navel to appease anyone. I want her to rejoice in her beauty...to know deep down that she's the most gorgeous creature. To see herself as God does. As myself and her father does. So when she's in high school and her crush decides to go to prom with a girl that doesn't have the same self confidence.....and sadly..may well..shows too much skin..she will know it's because there's something wrong with him. Not her. And she'll move on ...happily!
I want her to see that being humble is a beautiful quality to have. That being boastful and cocky about anything other than Gods love for her is stupid. And more....ugly. To know that she's more than whats on her sleeve. I am saddened DAILY...mostly on FB..by mothers who constantly make a fuss over the brand their daughter has on her back. Whether they realize it or not you're telling your beautiful daughter she's nothing more than whats on her back. Nothing more than material things. I want her to be so confident in herself and the beauty within her that she radiates it...even in sweats ...or covered in mud.
I want so bad for her to know...and I mean REALLY know that she doesn't have to take trashy selfies on social media sites to get attention. No arched backs.....not butt sticking out...NO duck faces. That her beautiful smile is enough. And if she has to be a picture hound like her Momma to make it pictures of her dirty, playing soccer. Or gardening with her Dad....or playing with her little brothers. THOSE are the things that represent her.
And for her to know that when I tell her this next thing....and it's HUGE..that her Momma isn't making it up. Ready for it.....GOOD boys/men don't like those things either. They really don't. When picturing their wife and the mother of their future children..they're not picturing her half naked taking shots dancing on a table. Nope. And while those types might be popular with the high school caliber BOY......not so much a few years later when it's marriage talk. To know that she's too precious ...too beautiful not to wait for the one God made for her. I just want to raise a God girl in a Miley world. And I honestly think if more Moms and Dads said "NO" to sexing up our little girls....NO to pageants (YES, i'm anti-pageants)...NO to the horrible messages in a lot of todays mainstream music....NO to the awful smut they're peddling as entertainment....Just NO to making these babies grow up faster. And a YES to nurturing their innocence...their hearts..to being involved and reassuring them that being a good girl is not something to be ashamed of. AND to raising men who recognize that.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
New town, New perspectives. ;)
I haven't given this thing NEARLY enough love in the past...I dunno..8 months. While many times I've thought..hmm...I should really blog about that. But friends, I've been busy! We moved! And not out of state! Ashland, KY! We're loving being so close to Harlow's job and having the kids in such a good school. The move was hard though!
See, when you're ALL about Jesus, worship and church...moving away from your church is soooo painful. We love that church...the people...the building is nice..but...it's the church we miss. I don't know how your perspective of church is...but for us...we NEED it. We need that support...that group of love to hold us accountable...pick us up when we fall...love us back. And for us,the best way to describe it is...well..like a drug! We're in a funk without it! We look forward to Sundays ALL week. I'm not saying we don't feed ourselves daily in God's word...we do.... but there's just something about being with your family. God intended it that way.
ANYWAY..while looking for a place here we were asking everyone....."SO....ugh...where do you go to church?". Not in a creepy.."Lemme' ugh tell ya ugh about JESUS!" kind of way...but in a ...HELP US find a new home kind of way. In a way that only God can, he led us to an amazing church here, Southside Church of the Nazarene. We're right at home here.
Which brings us to my current revelation....At revival....again, in a way only God can...he helped me realize i'm not a very good Mom! I mean...my kids are clean...they're fed....alive...and LOVED! But I had been missing something huge. An actual friendship with my kids. Not as in we dress alike and I wanna be their best friend..rules go out the window kind of way. NO! But in a way that there's just not enough conversation. I ask the daily "How was your day?"'s and the "What did you do?"'s.....but I don't think I was really listening. And I think my kids knew that. I wasn't spending my days in the floor playing and helping them grow. Nope, I was cleaning and cooking and trying to make life easier....breezier. As in lets just get this day done so I can sleep! I am always tired....I am always busy. But why? Then it hit me.....i'm cleaning and breezing right through their childhood! In trying to make their life and my life easier I am completely MISSING OUT on their life! I won't get another chance at tea parties and Barbies! I won't get another chance at being Robin to my Westons Batman. And while I KNEW this. I really did! I don't think I really thought it applied to me. I mean..I READ to my kids! I tuck them in! I take CARE of them! I've decided that's just not enough. You following me?
I will, from now, let my kids go wherever they want dress as a super hero if they so choose. I will REALLY go in depth about how their day went! I will say "YES" to any "Can I help?"...even if it adds an hour to whatever i'm doing. I will play in the floor for hours with my toddlers! I will help my kids total wreck my living room to make a "tent". I no longer want to PROVIDE memories....I want to BE those memories. I want them to be able to look to me for my counsel when they get older instead of turning to their friends and to ..WORSE..TV. (TV is a whole other post! :) )
See, when you're ALL about Jesus, worship and church...moving away from your church is soooo painful. We love that church...the people...the building is nice..but...it's the church we miss. I don't know how your perspective of church is...but for us...we NEED it. We need that support...that group of love to hold us accountable...pick us up when we fall...love us back. And for us,the best way to describe it is...well..like a drug! We're in a funk without it! We look forward to Sundays ALL week. I'm not saying we don't feed ourselves daily in God's word...we do.... but there's just something about being with your family. God intended it that way.
ANYWAY..while looking for a place here we were asking everyone....."SO....ugh...where do you go to church?". Not in a creepy.."Lemme' ugh tell ya ugh about JESUS!" kind of way...but in a ...HELP US find a new home kind of way. In a way that only God can, he led us to an amazing church here, Southside Church of the Nazarene. We're right at home here.
Which brings us to my current revelation....At revival....again, in a way only God can...he helped me realize i'm not a very good Mom! I mean...my kids are clean...they're fed....alive...and LOVED! But I had been missing something huge. An actual friendship with my kids. Not as in we dress alike and I wanna be their best friend..rules go out the window kind of way. NO! But in a way that there's just not enough conversation. I ask the daily "How was your day?"'s and the "What did you do?"'s.....but I don't think I was really listening. And I think my kids knew that. I wasn't spending my days in the floor playing and helping them grow. Nope, I was cleaning and cooking and trying to make life easier....breezier. As in lets just get this day done so I can sleep! I am always tired....I am always busy. But why? Then it hit me.....i'm cleaning and breezing right through their childhood! In trying to make their life and my life easier I am completely MISSING OUT on their life! I won't get another chance at tea parties and Barbies! I won't get another chance at being Robin to my Westons Batman. And while I KNEW this. I really did! I don't think I really thought it applied to me. I mean..I READ to my kids! I tuck them in! I take CARE of them! I've decided that's just not enough. You following me?
I will, from now, let my kids go wherever they want dress as a super hero if they so choose. I will REALLY go in depth about how their day went! I will say "YES" to any "Can I help?"...even if it adds an hour to whatever i'm doing. I will play in the floor for hours with my toddlers! I will help my kids total wreck my living room to make a "tent". I no longer want to PROVIDE memories....I want to BE those memories. I want them to be able to look to me for my counsel when they get older instead of turning to their friends and to ..WORSE..TV. (TV is a whole other post! :) )
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Why your relationship is failing.
Maybe...LOL. Lots of times it's due to one of these reasons. Happy relationships are not complicated! I'm not going to say theyre easy...but like most things that sound difficult, they're simple. I'm by no means claiming to be an expert at happy relationships. I've been married almost 8 years, happily, to the same man. Thats not long compared to some of my readers. But these are the things I have figured out and i'm putting them out there in hopes that they DO help someone. If it makes sense to you..keep it! If not, thanks for reading. This is not a "12 steps to happiness" or anything that complex...i'll just get started..
1.) DON'T POUT!
Pouting is for toddlers..there..I said it. Puffing up and pouting over something not going your way isn't helping anyone. It just makes you look silly and it SCREAMS "beg to me". No one wants to beg...your significant other is not a dog. And they are not your parent. Instead, openly discuss what has you hurt. In a non confrontational way.
2.) Put your spouse first!
I know you love your children. I love mine too. But they will grow up, get married and leave you to pursue their own families. And do you know who you'll be stuck with....thats right..your spouse. This goes into a whole slew of things...don't sleep with your kids. It's fine when theyre small..but don't put your husband out of HIS bed ladies. Come on now. Your bed should be your sanctuary..the place the two of you go to be close, intimate. Keep it sacred.
Don't neglect the others needs. When you start putting the other person first eventually they catch on. And what happens when both parties are putting the other persons needs before their own is selfless love and attention. And it's a beautiful thing. It doesnt happen over night. it does take practice and has to be MADE as a habit. It's natural for us to put our needs and our childrens needs first. But when you finally get the hang of it...it's amazing.
3.) Don't go to bed angry!
I know you've heard it! It's in the Bible. But there is some sense in the saying. No one wants to sleep with their backs to each other...and both of you are hurting. And God forbid something happen during the night that would prevent you from EVER speaking the words you know you need to. Just say you're sorry...even when you feel you're not wrong. Apologize for making THEM feel bad. Because you did. Even if you didn't mean to....even if it wasn't your intention, apologize.
4.)TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS!
I hate hearing people say "I try to make him/her happy"...geesh! That is a HUGE burden! To be responsible for someones happiness! Thats huge! Think about it. It's not your job or responsibility to make your other happy. Nor is it theres to make you happy. If you're not happy with yourself, you can't expect someone else to MAKE you happy. Sure, our significant others DO tend to make us smile but lets face it, if you're not happy with them and the person they are..then don't stay. Don't marry them expecting them to transform and the relationship to transform. For all your problems to go away. Because theyre just that..YOUR problems. When you can make you happy, nothing else matters. AND no one is happy 100% of the time. No one. But you should be happy everyday...not ALL day everyday, but everyday you should feel happy. If not, talk to your doctor or re-evaluate your life choices.
5.)Don't get even.
Revenge is ugly. And two wrongs don't make it right. It's as easy as that.
6.) Be realistic.
If he doesn't have goals or share your religious values...or the same morals...or doesnt want kids, and you do. DON'T expect him to change. You can't change someone to fit the version of them in your head. And they shouldn't. Thats not fair to them.
7.) Think of the other persons feelings, put yourself in their shoes.
If what's coming out of your mouth would hurt YOUR feelings...and you're saying it to be hurtful then don't let it out. Just don't. If it's not helpful or uplifting.....keep it in. And if you DO have to say something that hurts just to be able to work it out and move forward...say it in the most gentle way you can.
8.) MONEY!
Don't hide it, lie about it or be unrealistic about it. Money is a HUGE reason for the divorce rate being SO high. Don't let paper ruin your marriage.
9.)NO RULES!
Do not set rules and boundaries for your other. Things like "Don't talk to so and so" or "Don't go to kjwwdfwef" OR any other stupid thing that shows you have no faith and trust in the other person. If you can't trust them to make the right decisions when their away...then what are you doing with them? If you can't stand to see them talk to a person of the opposite sex..even an EX..yeah..I said it...then thats YOUR problem. If they have done nothing at all to warrant you acting psycho, then DON'T. I know the green eyed monster tends to show up every now and then. And it's natural for your radar to go off every now and then. But if you dont give trust don't expect to get it.
10.) Get close to God and read your BIBLE!
God gives the VERY best relationship advice. Everything you could ever want to know about any situation is in there. It really is. And my married life went to a whole new level once Harlow and myself both fell in love with Jesus Christ. The closer we get to him and the more we read his word..the closer we get to each other.
11.) Get away from each other!
It's just not healthy to be with each other ALL the time. It's annoying. And don't expect your other to want to do all the same things as you. It's not only OK to have different interest but a GREAT thing. It's how you grow together and keep things interesting. The more you grow and learn and pursue different things the more you'll always have to talk about.
12.) Try new things together.
It may be fun...it may turn out awful. Either way you're bound to get a good story out of it.
13.) LOVE!
Sounds simple....but really love that person. Recognize that this is your husband or wife. God says women should be submissive to their husbands...and that husbands should love their wives as Jesus loves the church. Do you know how Jesus LOVES the church..he DIED for the church. Thats a whole lotta loving. Love that imperfect person as perfectly as you can. Recognize they have flaws just like you do. And recognize that out of all the people in the world, you are their favorite! They picked you!
14.) In Laws!!!!!
Realize that while you love your parents and siblings....you now have your very own family. And they come first. I've seen this be a tough pill to swallow. After you say "I do" you are now leaving your old household to start your own. And thats just that. Don't say stuff like "This doesn't taste like Moms"...unless you want to be eating AT your moms and maybe spending the night on her couch. Don't call your parents to ask their advice on decisions that you should be making with your spouse. I'll keep it simple....just keep your parents out of your marriage. Harsh...but it works. :)
15.) Expect bad times.
There will be rough times. There will be times when it looks like it would be easier to just quite. Times when you don't like each other. Times when you can't even stand to hear them chew. And thats when it can get tough. Thats when you remind yourself why you said "I do". You remind yourself that this person picked you...and they love you. And if worse comes to worse....sit down, alone..and picture you. Picture you divorced....picture actually doing it. Filing the papers, moving out...where will you go...will you miss them? How will you manage visitation with your children? Who will get what? Imagine them with someone else....your kids with a step parent. And if your heart can still take it...and you still want out. If you're past talking it out. Then i'm so sorry. But never let it get that far. I'm not completely against divorce by any means. But apart from infidelity and abuse...it CAN be saved. IF that scenario of divorce plays out in your head and still breaks your heart...if it doesnt send you crying and begging to talk it out....then go.
I hope i've helped someone in some way. This has been laying on my heart for about a week now. And I really feel like I was meant to get it out there for someone.
1.) DON'T POUT!
Pouting is for toddlers..there..I said it. Puffing up and pouting over something not going your way isn't helping anyone. It just makes you look silly and it SCREAMS "beg to me". No one wants to beg...your significant other is not a dog. And they are not your parent. Instead, openly discuss what has you hurt. In a non confrontational way.
2.) Put your spouse first!
I know you love your children. I love mine too. But they will grow up, get married and leave you to pursue their own families. And do you know who you'll be stuck with....thats right..your spouse. This goes into a whole slew of things...don't sleep with your kids. It's fine when theyre small..but don't put your husband out of HIS bed ladies. Come on now. Your bed should be your sanctuary..the place the two of you go to be close, intimate. Keep it sacred.
Don't neglect the others needs. When you start putting the other person first eventually they catch on. And what happens when both parties are putting the other persons needs before their own is selfless love and attention. And it's a beautiful thing. It doesnt happen over night. it does take practice and has to be MADE as a habit. It's natural for us to put our needs and our childrens needs first. But when you finally get the hang of it...it's amazing.
3.) Don't go to bed angry!
I know you've heard it! It's in the Bible. But there is some sense in the saying. No one wants to sleep with their backs to each other...and both of you are hurting. And God forbid something happen during the night that would prevent you from EVER speaking the words you know you need to. Just say you're sorry...even when you feel you're not wrong. Apologize for making THEM feel bad. Because you did. Even if you didn't mean to....even if it wasn't your intention, apologize.
4.)TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS!
I hate hearing people say "I try to make him/her happy"...geesh! That is a HUGE burden! To be responsible for someones happiness! Thats huge! Think about it. It's not your job or responsibility to make your other happy. Nor is it theres to make you happy. If you're not happy with yourself, you can't expect someone else to MAKE you happy. Sure, our significant others DO tend to make us smile but lets face it, if you're not happy with them and the person they are..then don't stay. Don't marry them expecting them to transform and the relationship to transform. For all your problems to go away. Because theyre just that..YOUR problems. When you can make you happy, nothing else matters. AND no one is happy 100% of the time. No one. But you should be happy everyday...not ALL day everyday, but everyday you should feel happy. If not, talk to your doctor or re-evaluate your life choices.
5.)Don't get even.
Revenge is ugly. And two wrongs don't make it right. It's as easy as that.
6.) Be realistic.
If he doesn't have goals or share your religious values...or the same morals...or doesnt want kids, and you do. DON'T expect him to change. You can't change someone to fit the version of them in your head. And they shouldn't. Thats not fair to them.
7.) Think of the other persons feelings, put yourself in their shoes.
If what's coming out of your mouth would hurt YOUR feelings...and you're saying it to be hurtful then don't let it out. Just don't. If it's not helpful or uplifting.....keep it in. And if you DO have to say something that hurts just to be able to work it out and move forward...say it in the most gentle way you can.
8.) MONEY!
Don't hide it, lie about it or be unrealistic about it. Money is a HUGE reason for the divorce rate being SO high. Don't let paper ruin your marriage.
9.)NO RULES!
Do not set rules and boundaries for your other. Things like "Don't talk to so and so" or "Don't go to kjwwdfwef" OR any other stupid thing that shows you have no faith and trust in the other person. If you can't trust them to make the right decisions when their away...then what are you doing with them? If you can't stand to see them talk to a person of the opposite sex..even an EX..yeah..I said it...then thats YOUR problem. If they have done nothing at all to warrant you acting psycho, then DON'T. I know the green eyed monster tends to show up every now and then. And it's natural for your radar to go off every now and then. But if you dont give trust don't expect to get it.
10.) Get close to God and read your BIBLE!
God gives the VERY best relationship advice. Everything you could ever want to know about any situation is in there. It really is. And my married life went to a whole new level once Harlow and myself both fell in love with Jesus Christ. The closer we get to him and the more we read his word..the closer we get to each other.
11.) Get away from each other!
It's just not healthy to be with each other ALL the time. It's annoying. And don't expect your other to want to do all the same things as you. It's not only OK to have different interest but a GREAT thing. It's how you grow together and keep things interesting. The more you grow and learn and pursue different things the more you'll always have to talk about.
12.) Try new things together.
It may be fun...it may turn out awful. Either way you're bound to get a good story out of it.
13.) LOVE!
Sounds simple....but really love that person. Recognize that this is your husband or wife. God says women should be submissive to their husbands...and that husbands should love their wives as Jesus loves the church. Do you know how Jesus LOVES the church..he DIED for the church. Thats a whole lotta loving. Love that imperfect person as perfectly as you can. Recognize they have flaws just like you do. And recognize that out of all the people in the world, you are their favorite! They picked you!
14.) In Laws!!!!!
Realize that while you love your parents and siblings....you now have your very own family. And they come first. I've seen this be a tough pill to swallow. After you say "I do" you are now leaving your old household to start your own. And thats just that. Don't say stuff like "This doesn't taste like Moms"...unless you want to be eating AT your moms and maybe spending the night on her couch. Don't call your parents to ask their advice on decisions that you should be making with your spouse. I'll keep it simple....just keep your parents out of your marriage. Harsh...but it works. :)
15.) Expect bad times.
There will be rough times. There will be times when it looks like it would be easier to just quite. Times when you don't like each other. Times when you can't even stand to hear them chew. And thats when it can get tough. Thats when you remind yourself why you said "I do". You remind yourself that this person picked you...and they love you. And if worse comes to worse....sit down, alone..and picture you. Picture you divorced....picture actually doing it. Filing the papers, moving out...where will you go...will you miss them? How will you manage visitation with your children? Who will get what? Imagine them with someone else....your kids with a step parent. And if your heart can still take it...and you still want out. If you're past talking it out. Then i'm so sorry. But never let it get that far. I'm not completely against divorce by any means. But apart from infidelity and abuse...it CAN be saved. IF that scenario of divorce plays out in your head and still breaks your heart...if it doesnt send you crying and begging to talk it out....then go.
I hope i've helped someone in some way. This has been laying on my heart for about a week now. And I really feel like I was meant to get it out there for someone.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Why you CAN'T be the parent you always imagined you'd be.
"What are we doing wrong?" Harlow asked me tonight at the kitchen table. I've got to admit it's been one of our roughest days with the kids. My reply.."I really want to spend more time with them..but they're just SO mean!" It's so sad...and so true.
When I was pregnant with Natalie I pictured all the wonderful things we would do together. What a wonderful mother i'd be for her. I pictured us cuddling on the couch watching Disney movies. I pictured us having tea parties in the living room. I pictured her sitting in the tub washing her dolls hair as I blissfully and gently washed hers. What I DIDN'T picture was a daughter who would fight with her brothers over where they would sit on the couch for half the movie and throw popcorn. OR for her to break half of her lovely antique tea set by throwing it in her toy box. OR a child who absolutely LOATHES having her hair washed. The reason I can't be the mother I imagined for her is because she's not the child I imagined.
No one pictures having children who misbehave. No one actually dreams of a son who pees on you in the middle of worship at church! No one pictures that they will fight and scream and at times make you feel like taking a good week long vacation from them. No...no one ACTUALLY pictures the REALITY of parenting. That it's not going to be like a sitcom. That sometimes instead of a movie on the couch with the family you're going to get a wrestling match that rivals pay per view WWE(Thats still a thing...right?). But here we are....with these children..these children who are truly OURS. Not imaginary make believe ones. I mean really....where's the line for the children who are always well behaved and never back talk?
I think that to become truly AMAZING parents we have to become the best parents we can be for the children we have. Mean and all! And accept that family time isn't always going to be warm and fuzzy....but does it really have to be? Won't these beautiful creatures look back and see parents who really tried and loved them? And I bet these memories will look VERY different to them. And isn't that the whole point? To make memories.
And you can't know how to protect and love a child until you truly know them. Each is different...with different needs. Until we step away from the cookie cutter image of what a family is "supposed" to look like can we really love our own for the way it is. So what if we don't hang Christmas lights? So what if my kids swimming in the Baptistry (Oh yeah...that happened!), so what if ...just SO WHAT. From now on I vow to just go with it....hope for the best and give them all I have. And love them even more when they're really unlovable. AND Thank God he made them cute!
When I was pregnant with Natalie I pictured all the wonderful things we would do together. What a wonderful mother i'd be for her. I pictured us cuddling on the couch watching Disney movies. I pictured us having tea parties in the living room. I pictured her sitting in the tub washing her dolls hair as I blissfully and gently washed hers. What I DIDN'T picture was a daughter who would fight with her brothers over where they would sit on the couch for half the movie and throw popcorn. OR for her to break half of her lovely antique tea set by throwing it in her toy box. OR a child who absolutely LOATHES having her hair washed. The reason I can't be the mother I imagined for her is because she's not the child I imagined.
No one pictures having children who misbehave. No one actually dreams of a son who pees on you in the middle of worship at church! No one pictures that they will fight and scream and at times make you feel like taking a good week long vacation from them. No...no one ACTUALLY pictures the REALITY of parenting. That it's not going to be like a sitcom. That sometimes instead of a movie on the couch with the family you're going to get a wrestling match that rivals pay per view WWE(Thats still a thing...right?). But here we are....with these children..these children who are truly OURS. Not imaginary make believe ones. I mean really....where's the line for the children who are always well behaved and never back talk?
I think that to become truly AMAZING parents we have to become the best parents we can be for the children we have. Mean and all! And accept that family time isn't always going to be warm and fuzzy....but does it really have to be? Won't these beautiful creatures look back and see parents who really tried and loved them? And I bet these memories will look VERY different to them. And isn't that the whole point? To make memories.
And you can't know how to protect and love a child until you truly know them. Each is different...with different needs. Until we step away from the cookie cutter image of what a family is "supposed" to look like can we really love our own for the way it is. So what if we don't hang Christmas lights? So what if my kids swimming in the Baptistry (Oh yeah...that happened!), so what if ...just SO WHAT. From now on I vow to just go with it....hope for the best and give them all I have. And love them even more when they're really unlovable. AND Thank God he made them cute!
Friday, January 11, 2013
Misconceptions of my youth...a post for the uhhmm young and dumb.
1.) Health insurance! Enjoy it while Mom and Dad pay for it. Because as soon as you reach that golden age, 18 if you're not in college..and 21 if you are... IN SOME CASES not all. All at once you discover that you actually have to PAY for doctors visits and medicine. And they don't come cheap. I think one of my most terrifying moments was in 2008 when Harlow was laid off and we were both without coverage for 6 months. I avoided sick people like they were lepers! AND when you do have it..you get to learn that even though you're paying upwards of 300.00 a month in our case for a family YOU still have to shell out whats called a co-pay. You get to learn ALL about 80/20's and 90/10's. And you no longer run to the doctor for sinus infections and colds. You gotsta be dying before you'll do it when you're old. THIS is why your parents rarely go to the doctor.
2.)Cars/Car payments! When I was 16 I wanted my Dad to buy me a new car. He said no and I argued that the payment couldn't be more than 300.00 a month and I would pay for it with my little part time job. I am laughing RIGHT now. What I didn't understand was interest..that my 15,000.00 car would turn into a 30,000.00 car...that my car would require full coverage insurance($$$$ for a 16 year old girl), tags, title, licensing...NOT to mention care and upkeep. Cars require maintenance...tire charges, oil changes, fluids of all sorts. Driving is NOT cheap. Take what you get for free...if your parents ARE kind enough to GIVE you a car...even if it's a clunker! And LOVE them for it.
3.)Renting/Mortgage! This was a particularly tough lesson for me. Anyway,lets say you see an apartment for rent for 200.00 a month. That seems cheap on your 18 year old salary from working part time. You start to think your parents are just cheap or tight wads. The things you do NOT know...and FYI $200.00 was an example..you are NOT going to find a place to live..at least not a place you want to live, for 200.00 a month. So, lets say rent is 200.00, and then you have your electric bill 100.00, water 15.00, garbage 15.00, cable 50.00, phone/internet 100.00. SO..now your apartment is 480.00 a month. Still..not too bad. Where you going to get furniture? Groceries? Cleaning supplies? Not even shower curtains are free my young friends. AND you still got your cell phone...your car...your car insurance...you with me yet?
4.)I will get to sleep as much as I want when i'm an adult!! HAHAHAHAHA! Sleep now....A LOT! Because when you have a job to get to instead of school....the worst that can happen is not detention. You get fired...then how are you going to pay your bills? Hm? And later on, if you have children, you will never sleep again. NEVER!
5.) I will be able to eat whatever and whenever I want!! This one is actually true. You CAN eat McDonalds EVERY day if you want. You CAN go to Huddle House at 3 am if you want. But you are no longer in sports. You're not getting 30 minutes of PE everyday. Doesn't take a genius to realize what happens when you eat garbage and you don't move your booty. Cause you're at work all day paying for your car and your apartment. :)
6.)Work will be fun! HA! Maybe...depends on what you do, where you live, how much money you wish to make, if you deal with the public, if you deal with a boss, if you are in charge of other people, if you have to be at work at all. You get it. Thats real cute too.
7.)The value of a dollar. When your parents foot the bill, and depending on how you were raised, it's hard to put a lot of value on your daily needs. Clothes are not cheap and neither are your toys. Your iphone is expensive, your ipad is expensive, your laptop is expensive, your lunch at school costs your parents 30.00 a month. You getting it? Now..what if YOU had to pay for it. You'd start valuing your belongings and the belongings of others a lot more. It's different when YOU'RE the one working like crazy to buy this stuff. A bag of KRAFT cheese costs 8.00 at Walmart. Some people in our area only make 6.50 an hour. They have to work OVER an hour to buy that bag of cheese.
These are just a few of the SHOCKING things that happen when you reach that magic number of 18. Go hug your parents. Go tell them you love them. If they provided you with just half of whats on this list, they love you and you are blessed beyond measure. Enjoy being young and dumb....*evil voice* while you can!!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Is your baby weird?
I'm not going to lie...my kids ARE hilarious. But what is funny and what is just plain weird. Well, in our case...the weird has almost always been funny too. And if it's just my kids that have developed weird quirks...then...have a laugh on us. Today i'm going to discuss the kid quirks....the odd...the funny...the disturbing..and the ones that require medical attention! BEYOND thumb sucking, BEYOND hair twirling..there lies that grim area. The weird area!
Example 1.) Natalie and her spitting. I feel like i'm partially responsible for this one. See, when I get pregnant I get SICK. Look like death, throwing up 24 7..SICK. And one of the things that come with glorious hyperemesis is spitting. I'll stop right there to keep from going into gross medical detail. Anyway...we'd just be out in the store and here would be my little curly headed darling spitting in the floor....out the window..on the track at the park. It's gross! Strangers would give us "the look" and right away i'd feel like I had to explain. Which led to me going into gross medical detail to complete strangers. Looking back I hope that they learned to keep their awkward looks to themselves because i'm sure hearing my medical issues in the middle of Food City wasn't fun! Thank God she outgrew this and figured out it wasn't socially acceptable to spit in the floor of walmart!
Example 2.) Aiden's leg rubbing. One day we were walking and he just stopped to rub his knees together....we laughed..it was cute! Then it was an every few steps kind of thing. You'd be in a store...look down and he'd be 10 steps behind you...rubbing his knees together. Weird! At this point we had Weston..and after 3 kids you no longer care to acknowledge "the look". I actually did take him to the doctor for this..who laughed and told us not to acknowledge it and it would go away. It did....after 3 more months of 2.5 hour grocery store trips!
Example 3.) Aidens stutter!! Oh my gosh! It's natural to try and finish a persons sentence when they stutter, BUT you shouldn't. Aiden's stutter wasn't like that. He stuttered sounds...or mimicked if you will. The timer on the dryer, the noise the car makes when you haven't buckled up. Things that drive you nuts. And just like when a person stutters a word...I had to just ignore this for it to go away!!! I did explain this one to strangers....mostly because they'd be just as annoyed as me! Thank God he outgrew it!
Example 4.) The Ninja phase. Not really weird...unless your kid attacks inanimate objects in public like our Aiden. OHHH this one required many trips to the ER. One particular trip that stands out is the day Aiden attacked a metal park bench. The bench won! He bruised his inner ear. I had no idea you could do that! I really appreciate our pediatrician who told me not to ever explain my kids injuries...bumps and bruises are a sign of a healthy childhood and parents who love their child enough to let them play. That statement has stuck with me ever since.
Example 5.) Lets just say our third child, Weston, he has a lot of quirks. One huge one that has required medical attention. We are potty training. And Weston was trying to make a stinky and fell in the potty. Of course we laughed...he was adorable with his bum stuck in the toilet. Now, my child is stubborn...and didn't appreciate the laughter. Sooooo..what does he do? Decides he will NEVER poo again. I didn't even know a person could do this. But..yes, he would sit in the floor...and scream "NOOO"..and just not go! For days. Real fun when you're in public and your son screams "I NOOOO Poo!" After 4 HORRIBLE days I took him to the doctor where he was given miralax and is now on the mend.
Kids are CRAZY! Tiny lunatics who stuff your tub drain full of peanuts....tell strangers WAY too much and laugh at the most inappropriate times. Now that you know just a small few of my kids quirks (Oh yes, there are more..some too embarrassing to post online!) maybe you feel a bit better about your darling who talks to your oven mitt....or your tiny champ who refuses to wear anything that buttons. Kids are weird. And that's just that!
Google has always helped me when I needed to know if something was...eh..normal? And I never hesitate to take my odd or seemingly disturbing quirks to our pediatrician.
Example 1.) Natalie and her spitting. I feel like i'm partially responsible for this one. See, when I get pregnant I get SICK. Look like death, throwing up 24 7..SICK. And one of the things that come with glorious hyperemesis is spitting. I'll stop right there to keep from going into gross medical detail. Anyway...we'd just be out in the store and here would be my little curly headed darling spitting in the floor....out the window..on the track at the park. It's gross! Strangers would give us "the look" and right away i'd feel like I had to explain. Which led to me going into gross medical detail to complete strangers. Looking back I hope that they learned to keep their awkward looks to themselves because i'm sure hearing my medical issues in the middle of Food City wasn't fun! Thank God she outgrew this and figured out it wasn't socially acceptable to spit in the floor of walmart!
Example 2.) Aiden's leg rubbing. One day we were walking and he just stopped to rub his knees together....we laughed..it was cute! Then it was an every few steps kind of thing. You'd be in a store...look down and he'd be 10 steps behind you...rubbing his knees together. Weird! At this point we had Weston..and after 3 kids you no longer care to acknowledge "the look". I actually did take him to the doctor for this..who laughed and told us not to acknowledge it and it would go away. It did....after 3 more months of 2.5 hour grocery store trips!
Example 3.) Aidens stutter!! Oh my gosh! It's natural to try and finish a persons sentence when they stutter, BUT you shouldn't. Aiden's stutter wasn't like that. He stuttered sounds...or mimicked if you will. The timer on the dryer, the noise the car makes when you haven't buckled up. Things that drive you nuts. And just like when a person stutters a word...I had to just ignore this for it to go away!!! I did explain this one to strangers....mostly because they'd be just as annoyed as me! Thank God he outgrew it!
Example 4.) The Ninja phase. Not really weird...unless your kid attacks inanimate objects in public like our Aiden. OHHH this one required many trips to the ER. One particular trip that stands out is the day Aiden attacked a metal park bench. The bench won! He bruised his inner ear. I had no idea you could do that! I really appreciate our pediatrician who told me not to ever explain my kids injuries...bumps and bruises are a sign of a healthy childhood and parents who love their child enough to let them play. That statement has stuck with me ever since.
Example 5.) Lets just say our third child, Weston, he has a lot of quirks. One huge one that has required medical attention. We are potty training. And Weston was trying to make a stinky and fell in the potty. Of course we laughed...he was adorable with his bum stuck in the toilet. Now, my child is stubborn...and didn't appreciate the laughter. Sooooo..what does he do? Decides he will NEVER poo again. I didn't even know a person could do this. But..yes, he would sit in the floor...and scream "NOOO"..and just not go! For days. Real fun when you're in public and your son screams "I NOOOO Poo!" After 4 HORRIBLE days I took him to the doctor where he was given miralax and is now on the mend.
Kids are CRAZY! Tiny lunatics who stuff your tub drain full of peanuts....tell strangers WAY too much and laugh at the most inappropriate times. Now that you know just a small few of my kids quirks (Oh yes, there are more..some too embarrassing to post online!) maybe you feel a bit better about your darling who talks to your oven mitt....or your tiny champ who refuses to wear anything that buttons. Kids are weird. And that's just that!
Google has always helped me when I needed to know if something was...eh..normal? And I never hesitate to take my odd or seemingly disturbing quirks to our pediatrician.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Stand firm
My first mobile blog post so if there's some random auto correct forgive me. As I type I'm riding shot gun on our way to take Sawyer to Lexington for a scan. After some reassurance from a dear friend (thanks Pam!) I'm not as concerned with that. I apologize for my absence lately. As some of you know our family is facing a big move soon. My husbands job isn't always an easy one. As I stated in my "about me" section, we love Hazard, and its our home but its not always possible for us to stay here. Let me explain. My husband is a conductor for CSX. And in eastern KY trains haul coal. Since coal is no longer being mined here the way it was 2 years ago.....well, they don't run empty trains. So, I've been holding my breath while waiting to see where and when we will be transferred. Trying to plan a move with 4 kids, 2 in school, is hard enough. Not knowing where you're moving to or how long you have at home is very VERY stressful. So if I look like a zombie, please understand. While this is a blessing that my husband will still have a job and all the other blessings I'm sure God has planned.......it's still hard. The end to a chapter. And like with any good book you mourn. I have faith that God guides but I am human and right now my heart hurts for this ending. Yet I'm excited and anxious to see what's next. It may be another 5 years before we can hold down Hazard again ( blog name makes sense now,eh ;) ). Stay tuned for what's next.... Some pro moving tips. Yeah, I've earned pro moving status. And tips and tricks I've learned over the years of moving with children.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
The yuckies! And a recipe for MAGIC Mouthwash!
I haven't had much time the past couple months to do anything other than visit our pediatrician and clean puke. It happens. With 4 little ones...2 in school...we get the yuckies. We seem to keep them lately! Besides giving them the speech about hand washing and covering their cough there's not a whole lot I can do from home. So, while combating all this yuck I came across a recipe for the wondrous substance known as MAGIC MOUTHWASH!! Here you go ...enjoy! AND Get well soon!
Magic Mouthwash:
* 2 tsp Maalox
* 2 tsp childrens liquid benadryl
Mix...gargle, swish and spit! You CAN swallow it...if you plan on your little one swallowing make sure you adjust the Maalox and benadryl to the dosage for your childs height and weight. AND have a glass of 8 oz of water for them to drink after swallowing it. Relief for strep, mouth sores and sore throat.
NOTE: I am not a doctor and you should always check with your doctor if you have any questions. Basically, be smart and safe!
Magic Mouthwash:
* 2 tsp Maalox
* 2 tsp childrens liquid benadryl
Mix...gargle, swish and spit! You CAN swallow it...if you plan on your little one swallowing make sure you adjust the Maalox and benadryl to the dosage for your childs height and weight. AND have a glass of 8 oz of water for them to drink after swallowing it. Relief for strep, mouth sores and sore throat.
NOTE: I am not a doctor and you should always check with your doctor if you have any questions. Basically, be smart and safe!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Tips and tricks for making it on a BUDGET
As you know...Harlow is currently laid off. Which really isn't anything new since he works for CSX ;) So, here is a list of tips and tricks of how we have survived furloughs and live COMFORTABLY on a budget. It's mostly common sense.
1.)Groceries: First, we have no "bad" food habits. What I mean is...we don't drink pop. And we don't buy snack cakes or junk food. Well, Harlow still holds on to his chip eating habit...but..besides that..NO JUNK! As for veggies and fruit, we buy frozen. Why frozen...well...it's cheaper than fresh and more nutritious and better tasting than canned. Don't get me wrong, canned beans are where it's at for chili and soups. But as for vegetable, they're frozen closer to the source they're harvested from...the longer they sit on a shelf the more nutrients they lose. Making frozen sometimes HEALTHIER than fresh. Which is important to me because I want my kids to establish healthy eating habits now. I use the sale paper to stock up on meats. I don't buy bottled water....just watch the movie "Tapped". If it's coming out of your faucet and you don't have a well ...it's filtered.
2.)Clothes: I now shop for 6 people. AND being that I LOVE fabric and sewing I have a hard time paying for names. Basically, a cotton T-shirt is a cotton t-shirt whether it has Justice or Garanimals on the tag. Don't get me wrong, I will definitely pay more for quality in a piece my kids will get a lot of wear out of. Like coats and little boy jeans. Which I now buy wrangler from Walmart for Ace because he rubs the knees out of everything else. I'm a sale shopper. I usually shop twice a year for everyone. Once on black Friday, online at home....and once at the start of spring. The reason, well, black Friday there are some really great deals on jeans, coats and sweaters. I can load up the whole family for fall and winter. Old Navy and Childrens Place are two of my favorites. And in Spring..right when the season starts to change you can find great deals on fall and winter clothes...I buy a size larger for the following year ;) AND they usually have a 40% off sale on their new arrivals. So I get a jump start on summer too. ALSO....Walmart is my favorite place for summer stuff. They put out these little $5.00 outfits for boys EVERY year..and I will grab about 10 for each boy and let them wear them till their worn out. And if you have boys you know that doesn't take long. So, that's about $150.00 for 3 boys....NOT BAD EH?!? Also, I LOVE www.thredup.com !! If you've never visited the site...GO..NOW..seriously.
3.)Entertainment: Here is where I really get savvy. We don't have cable! We haven't in years. Through our phone company we bundled our DSL, phone and a ROKU box for 50.00. Now, the ROKU box streams Netflix, HULU, Amazon, and Pandora. We subscribe to Netflix..$8.00 a month...and Amazon Prime $75.00 a YEAR. Amazon prime comes with all kinds of perks...a ton of movie selections and some movies you can even watch while they're still in theaters AND free 2 day shipping from their site. We get to monitor what our kids see, avoid commercials and save $$$. We also use Red Box. Also, pay attention to your local calendar for things to do. There's always something going on in Hazard...SWEAR it! In the summer we LOVE Way Bak Wyn Drive In. Good prices and our kids love it. Family time is also a biggie in our house. With 4 kids i'm never really lacking in entertainment.
4.)Exercise: We usually enjoy running. When i'm not recovering from having a baby and Harlow isn't nursing a bad foot. There are many places to work out in Hazard. We have a park to walk/run....many hiking trails...the pavilion for when it's bad out. My personal favorite...I LOVE to run/walk up by where Trus Joist used to be. SOOOO many dirt trails. My joints and heart always thank me for it.
5.)Cleaning and Home supplies: One store....the Dollar Tree. In fact the BEST dishwasher detergent I have ever used is their Sun brand. No white gunk and they come out clean. The only cleaning supply i'm really a snob about is laundry detergent. I either make my own (Really...you can do that) or buy gain. Just depends on how low I let my supply get before running out to the store. You can even find toilet paper at the Dollar Tree...and honestly...do you really care what brand of toilet paper you ...well..you know what you're doing with it.
6.)Medicine: Always ask if there's a generic...it's that easy. And for over the counter stuff....look for the store brand. Look at the active ingredient and compare it to the store brand. For example...benadryl...the active ingredient in benadryl is diphenhydramine. Now you can buy the brand name diphenhydramine, benadryl..OR you can buy your diphenhydramine for $1.00 at the Dollar Tree. Will it work any better the more you pay for it...NO. Always ALWAYS go for the generic if you can.
That's all I have for now. If you have any tips or tricks that you feel is savvy please leave them in a comment here or shoot me a message. I'd love to hear them!
1.)Groceries: First, we have no "bad" food habits. What I mean is...we don't drink pop. And we don't buy snack cakes or junk food. Well, Harlow still holds on to his chip eating habit...but..besides that..NO JUNK! As for veggies and fruit, we buy frozen. Why frozen...well...it's cheaper than fresh and more nutritious and better tasting than canned. Don't get me wrong, canned beans are where it's at for chili and soups. But as for vegetable, they're frozen closer to the source they're harvested from...the longer they sit on a shelf the more nutrients they lose. Making frozen sometimes HEALTHIER than fresh. Which is important to me because I want my kids to establish healthy eating habits now. I use the sale paper to stock up on meats. I don't buy bottled water....just watch the movie "Tapped". If it's coming out of your faucet and you don't have a well ...it's filtered.
2.)Clothes: I now shop for 6 people. AND being that I LOVE fabric and sewing I have a hard time paying for names. Basically, a cotton T-shirt is a cotton t-shirt whether it has Justice or Garanimals on the tag. Don't get me wrong, I will definitely pay more for quality in a piece my kids will get a lot of wear out of. Like coats and little boy jeans. Which I now buy wrangler from Walmart for Ace because he rubs the knees out of everything else. I'm a sale shopper. I usually shop twice a year for everyone. Once on black Friday, online at home....and once at the start of spring. The reason, well, black Friday there are some really great deals on jeans, coats and sweaters. I can load up the whole family for fall and winter. Old Navy and Childrens Place are two of my favorites. And in Spring..right when the season starts to change you can find great deals on fall and winter clothes...I buy a size larger for the following year ;) AND they usually have a 40% off sale on their new arrivals. So I get a jump start on summer too. ALSO....Walmart is my favorite place for summer stuff. They put out these little $5.00 outfits for boys EVERY year..and I will grab about 10 for each boy and let them wear them till their worn out. And if you have boys you know that doesn't take long. So, that's about $150.00 for 3 boys....NOT BAD EH?!? Also, I LOVE www.thredup.com !! If you've never visited the site...GO..NOW..seriously.
3.)Entertainment: Here is where I really get savvy. We don't have cable! We haven't in years. Through our phone company we bundled our DSL, phone and a ROKU box for 50.00. Now, the ROKU box streams Netflix, HULU, Amazon, and Pandora. We subscribe to Netflix..$8.00 a month...and Amazon Prime $75.00 a YEAR. Amazon prime comes with all kinds of perks...a ton of movie selections and some movies you can even watch while they're still in theaters AND free 2 day shipping from their site. We get to monitor what our kids see, avoid commercials and save $$$. We also use Red Box. Also, pay attention to your local calendar for things to do. There's always something going on in Hazard...SWEAR it! In the summer we LOVE Way Bak Wyn Drive In. Good prices and our kids love it. Family time is also a biggie in our house. With 4 kids i'm never really lacking in entertainment.
4.)Exercise: We usually enjoy running. When i'm not recovering from having a baby and Harlow isn't nursing a bad foot. There are many places to work out in Hazard. We have a park to walk/run....many hiking trails...the pavilion for when it's bad out. My personal favorite...I LOVE to run/walk up by where Trus Joist used to be. SOOOO many dirt trails. My joints and heart always thank me for it.
5.)Cleaning and Home supplies: One store....the Dollar Tree. In fact the BEST dishwasher detergent I have ever used is their Sun brand. No white gunk and they come out clean. The only cleaning supply i'm really a snob about is laundry detergent. I either make my own (Really...you can do that) or buy gain. Just depends on how low I let my supply get before running out to the store. You can even find toilet paper at the Dollar Tree...and honestly...do you really care what brand of toilet paper you ...well..you know what you're doing with it.
6.)Medicine: Always ask if there's a generic...it's that easy. And for over the counter stuff....look for the store brand. Look at the active ingredient and compare it to the store brand. For example...benadryl...the active ingredient in benadryl is diphenhydramine. Now you can buy the brand name diphenhydramine, benadryl..OR you can buy your diphenhydramine for $1.00 at the Dollar Tree. Will it work any better the more you pay for it...NO. Always ALWAYS go for the generic if you can.
That's all I have for now. If you have any tips or tricks that you feel is savvy please leave them in a comment here or shoot me a message. I'd love to hear them!
Friday, December 7, 2012
We will overcome, by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.
I offended people today. I spoke up about the death of an industry that has provided for our community for decades. The coal industry. I didn't speak ill about it. In fact it's fed my family. My husband is a railroad conductor for CSX...or he was..until this past November. Their main freight in this area...obviously..coal. There's a reason I am so confident about the future of my family...my friends...and our area. Let me explain.
This past Wednesday I attended refuel at Journey Church on Main St. Ben, our preacher, spoke about how we all have a story, a past..God has brought us through. Basically, how do you know you'll be alright? Now, I know not everyone reading this attends church, is a Christian or knows the story of Job. So, bare with me. Job was a man who lost all he had. Not just his way of making money..but his family...his property. I know a lot in this community are feeling loses. I am one of them. So, to meet the challenge Ben gave us to tell our story...our testimony....here it goes.
I lost my Mom at age 11. Not to an illness or anything foreseen...but a house fire. An 11 year old girl who just lost her Mom, you know I was angry...terrified...and SO depressed. Do I believe it was God's doing...absolutely! But from that I developed a great relationship with my Dad AND my Mom's family who I had never really known. I had to grow up fast...but God was there..looking back I can see how he met me in that dark time. In every situation...even when I was mad at him. Even when I didn't understand what was going on. Because I wasn't there in that fire....nope. I was saved from that. And so was my Dad. I could be angry that he took her...but i'm not. He saw me through it...and it was her time. She was a christian and I know she wouldn't trade this for that.. not for anything.
Fast forward to 19. Harlow and I bought our first house! A beautiful 2000 sq ft house just 45 minutes from Virginia Beach. Perfection in wood...huge porch...big yard..big living room with a fireplace. Close enough to Richmond to be convenient but far enough away to not be bothered. We were SO happy with our purchase. It was home...for the first time since my previous house went up in flames...I felt at home. This was in 2007...JUST before the mortgage bubble popped. Being young and dare I say...dumb..or..well green...we had never heard of an ARM aka adjustable rate mortgage. The payment went up within the first 3 months...and after you added the insurance..$1300.00 a month. Which was fine...just fine. Until Harlow lost his job...our very first CSX furlough! The first month....I didn't panic...until we caught word that this furlough was going to last awhile. And if you're not familiar with railroading...ALL you get is word of mouth about things to come. Looking back...that word was right on! It took 2 years to call those men back. Now, we had an out. We had a home here...in Hazard...family, ready and willing to welcome us back..to help..with open arms! So...I put our house up for rent...to a nice couple who signed every page I asked them to sign of their lease. Handed me a check for $1800.00 as a deposit and we loaded a big UHAUL and drove away from that home for the last time.
Harlow hadn't been with CSX long enough to get unemployment..so I took a job at the first place that called me back..SYKES. I made nothing compared to what he made before and at the time we had 2 kids. But we always managed to make it. Little did I know the sweet couple who was renting our house had written me a cold check and had NO intention of ever paying rent. After not hearing from them for 3 months I finally had to call the cops in the area and have them check to see if they were even still occupying the residence. Now...you do the math...3 months behind on a mortgage I couldn't possibly pay..while trying to pay bills that I had acquired when we were actually making decent pay...yeah. Here's where we make a tough decision....struggle and try to pay debt we can't possibly pay...or meet with a lawyer and face the inevitable. I still have nightmares of the number....quarter of a million dollars in debt....and I did it in 1 year of being legal! That has to be a record right? Anyway...we filed bankruptcy. Bankrupt at 19! And glad of it. I had an ulcer and the stress was killing my marriage. Looking back now...I see God in that dark time. I had family...I had food....my kids were loved and provided for. Maybe not in the manner they were accustomed to...but they were taken care of. And I vowed back then to NEVER set my bar according to what others thought was success. Because when it came down to it...I left that house on a table in a courtroom...and didn't blink. What mattered to me were the people I loved. And I NEVER have to buy them.
Now we're back in Hazard...and guess what! CSX called Harlow to work in Ashland. 21/2 hours away from our home in Hazard. It was a job with benefits..so...he took it! And the driving and the going with no sleep got difficult. So he marked up on a board in Martin, KY..just 45 minutes from our house. (Again, sorry for the railroad speak...but basically he could work in Martin) Still a drive...but...we were home...we had a place to live thanks to my Dad...and our kids were taken care of. We made it through. It looked like we were losing it all....but that bankruptcy saved our marriage. Without that happening we wouldn't have our 2 youngest boys..Weston and Sawyer.
There are many other ways God has met me in dark times. Medical problems...marital problems...a couple car accidents and an 11 month long furlough since the first. But I already feel naked...so...we'll leave it as it is. The reason I am so confident...and maybe a little cocky..is that God has seen me through everything. I am here. I am happy....I am provided for and I am strong! And I praise the God who continues to meet me in EVERY challenge and hard situation I am in. And I really hope this comes across in the tone I mean it to. I love you all....and God loves you all. Have faith..and a little creativity to view this as what it is. A new beginning and a fresh start to something bigger and better.
This past Wednesday I attended refuel at Journey Church on Main St. Ben, our preacher, spoke about how we all have a story, a past..God has brought us through. Basically, how do you know you'll be alright? Now, I know not everyone reading this attends church, is a Christian or knows the story of Job. So, bare with me. Job was a man who lost all he had. Not just his way of making money..but his family...his property. I know a lot in this community are feeling loses. I am one of them. So, to meet the challenge Ben gave us to tell our story...our testimony....here it goes.
I lost my Mom at age 11. Not to an illness or anything foreseen...but a house fire. An 11 year old girl who just lost her Mom, you know I was angry...terrified...and SO depressed. Do I believe it was God's doing...absolutely! But from that I developed a great relationship with my Dad AND my Mom's family who I had never really known. I had to grow up fast...but God was there..looking back I can see how he met me in that dark time. In every situation...even when I was mad at him. Even when I didn't understand what was going on. Because I wasn't there in that fire....nope. I was saved from that. And so was my Dad. I could be angry that he took her...but i'm not. He saw me through it...and it was her time. She was a christian and I know she wouldn't trade this for that.. not for anything.
Fast forward to 19. Harlow and I bought our first house! A beautiful 2000 sq ft house just 45 minutes from Virginia Beach. Perfection in wood...huge porch...big yard..big living room with a fireplace. Close enough to Richmond to be convenient but far enough away to not be bothered. We were SO happy with our purchase. It was home...for the first time since my previous house went up in flames...I felt at home. This was in 2007...JUST before the mortgage bubble popped. Being young and dare I say...dumb..or..well green...we had never heard of an ARM aka adjustable rate mortgage. The payment went up within the first 3 months...and after you added the insurance..$1300.00 a month. Which was fine...just fine. Until Harlow lost his job...our very first CSX furlough! The first month....I didn't panic...until we caught word that this furlough was going to last awhile. And if you're not familiar with railroading...ALL you get is word of mouth about things to come. Looking back...that word was right on! It took 2 years to call those men back. Now, we had an out. We had a home here...in Hazard...family, ready and willing to welcome us back..to help..with open arms! So...I put our house up for rent...to a nice couple who signed every page I asked them to sign of their lease. Handed me a check for $1800.00 as a deposit and we loaded a big UHAUL and drove away from that home for the last time.
Harlow hadn't been with CSX long enough to get unemployment..so I took a job at the first place that called me back..SYKES. I made nothing compared to what he made before and at the time we had 2 kids. But we always managed to make it. Little did I know the sweet couple who was renting our house had written me a cold check and had NO intention of ever paying rent. After not hearing from them for 3 months I finally had to call the cops in the area and have them check to see if they were even still occupying the residence. Now...you do the math...3 months behind on a mortgage I couldn't possibly pay..while trying to pay bills that I had acquired when we were actually making decent pay...yeah. Here's where we make a tough decision....struggle and try to pay debt we can't possibly pay...or meet with a lawyer and face the inevitable. I still have nightmares of the number....quarter of a million dollars in debt....and I did it in 1 year of being legal! That has to be a record right? Anyway...we filed bankruptcy. Bankrupt at 19! And glad of it. I had an ulcer and the stress was killing my marriage. Looking back now...I see God in that dark time. I had family...I had food....my kids were loved and provided for. Maybe not in the manner they were accustomed to...but they were taken care of. And I vowed back then to NEVER set my bar according to what others thought was success. Because when it came down to it...I left that house on a table in a courtroom...and didn't blink. What mattered to me were the people I loved. And I NEVER have to buy them.
Now we're back in Hazard...and guess what! CSX called Harlow to work in Ashland. 21/2 hours away from our home in Hazard. It was a job with benefits..so...he took it! And the driving and the going with no sleep got difficult. So he marked up on a board in Martin, KY..just 45 minutes from our house. (Again, sorry for the railroad speak...but basically he could work in Martin) Still a drive...but...we were home...we had a place to live thanks to my Dad...and our kids were taken care of. We made it through. It looked like we were losing it all....but that bankruptcy saved our marriage. Without that happening we wouldn't have our 2 youngest boys..Weston and Sawyer.
There are many other ways God has met me in dark times. Medical problems...marital problems...a couple car accidents and an 11 month long furlough since the first. But I already feel naked...so...we'll leave it as it is. The reason I am so confident...and maybe a little cocky..is that God has seen me through everything. I am here. I am happy....I am provided for and I am strong! And I praise the God who continues to meet me in EVERY challenge and hard situation I am in. And I really hope this comes across in the tone I mean it to. I love you all....and God loves you all. Have faith..and a little creativity to view this as what it is. A new beginning and a fresh start to something bigger and better.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
The REAL Daddy issue
If you have me on facebook, then you know that the topic of involved Dads is VERY dear to me. It's one thing to have a husband who works and provides for his family...that's fantastic! You have an excellent provider. There's a BIG difference in a provider and an involved Dad. Let me explain.
An involved Dad is one who does 80 to 100% as much as you do with and for your child/children. The diaper changes, the night time feedings, the boo boo kisses..the breakfast making. ALL that. No good marriage is 50/50..it's 100/100...parenting is the same. And to those single Mom's...you amazing fantastic ladies..you do 200! But you're a whole other post!
I get so frustrated to hear a Mom say that her husband is "babysitting". No...NO..NO..if your husband has his own children..it's parenting. I think it starts when you bring baby home. As Mom's there's so much pressure these days to be BUSY. And perfect. You see women who work full time jobs and their kids are in all kinds of sports. Or you see the new Mom who's already in her size 5 pre pregnancy jeans, her baby NEVER seems to cry and she just gave birth 2 months ago. It looks legit! And facebook doesn't help! You see posts and pictures of how wonderful and together everyone has it. What you don't see is the honest to God story. You don't see that it took 2 hours to get that photo of that happy baby. Or the fact that the Mom who works full time struggles just to get 5 minutes of quality time with her kids....you get it....no one has it all together. Not really. We're all just learning as we go. AND that brings it back around to Dad. In the same way that no one is just born having it all together as a mother.....no man is just born knowing how to be a Dad.
Admit it...you've accidentally given your baby formula thats sat out longer than it should. Bottles get confusing in the middle of the night! Breast feeding isn't easy for every woman! Swaddling isn't something you just naturally knew how to do! It takes time...trial and error. It's the same for men!
I remember bringing Natalie home, she was our first baby, and I wanted to be perfect for her. The ultimate Mom. I never wanted her to cry...I never wanted her to feel cold...I counted her dirty diapers for goodness sake! I had read every book I could get my hands on about parenting. From attachment parenting to the ferber method. Then I decided that I really didn't need it. I took the good..and chucked the ridiculous. I lost my Mom when I was 11...so I really relied on the internet, books and my cousins (LOVE you for always taking my calls Tasha!) when I had questions. And it wasn't until I started following my own instincts that it all came together. And do you know who got left out of all this parenting decision making...poor Harlow. Here he was...holding my precious angel like a football.....burping her all "wrong"...blowing in her face to make her make funny faces. It would stress me out. It wasn't until we had Ace and sheer exhaustion sat in that I realized I was missing something. Something big..and wonderful. HE was holding my babies...my babies WERE burping.....HE was making them smile. These were HIS babies too. And it wasn't until I expected him to help me and do more that he did. I haven't looked back since and i'm so glad.
Harlow, he really is an amazing Dad. He does just as much if not more than me on any given day. Don't rob your husband of the same things you don't want to miss. Taking care of a baby and children is so messy and so rewarding. The real bonds are made from changing the baby...they're getting out of an uncomfortable mess......and feeding them..even if it's chili dogs or pizza for breakfast...the day to day norm. Let him have that joy too. You won't be remembered as a sub par Mom by sharing the parenting load....but you'll be giving your children an amazing gift. And yourself too. Harlow has never been more sexy than when he's caring for our children. Or more hilarious!
Sincerely, from a girl raised by a hands on Dad ;)
An involved Dad is one who does 80 to 100% as much as you do with and for your child/children. The diaper changes, the night time feedings, the boo boo kisses..the breakfast making. ALL that. No good marriage is 50/50..it's 100/100...parenting is the same. And to those single Mom's...you amazing fantastic ladies..you do 200! But you're a whole other post!
I get so frustrated to hear a Mom say that her husband is "babysitting". No...NO..NO..if your husband has his own children..it's parenting. I think it starts when you bring baby home. As Mom's there's so much pressure these days to be BUSY. And perfect. You see women who work full time jobs and their kids are in all kinds of sports. Or you see the new Mom who's already in her size 5 pre pregnancy jeans, her baby NEVER seems to cry and she just gave birth 2 months ago. It looks legit! And facebook doesn't help! You see posts and pictures of how wonderful and together everyone has it. What you don't see is the honest to God story. You don't see that it took 2 hours to get that photo of that happy baby. Or the fact that the Mom who works full time struggles just to get 5 minutes of quality time with her kids....you get it....no one has it all together. Not really. We're all just learning as we go. AND that brings it back around to Dad. In the same way that no one is just born having it all together as a mother.....no man is just born knowing how to be a Dad.
Admit it...you've accidentally given your baby formula thats sat out longer than it should. Bottles get confusing in the middle of the night! Breast feeding isn't easy for every woman! Swaddling isn't something you just naturally knew how to do! It takes time...trial and error. It's the same for men!
I remember bringing Natalie home, she was our first baby, and I wanted to be perfect for her. The ultimate Mom. I never wanted her to cry...I never wanted her to feel cold...I counted her dirty diapers for goodness sake! I had read every book I could get my hands on about parenting. From attachment parenting to the ferber method. Then I decided that I really didn't need it. I took the good..and chucked the ridiculous. I lost my Mom when I was 11...so I really relied on the internet, books and my cousins (LOVE you for always taking my calls Tasha!) when I had questions. And it wasn't until I started following my own instincts that it all came together. And do you know who got left out of all this parenting decision making...poor Harlow. Here he was...holding my precious angel like a football.....burping her all "wrong"...blowing in her face to make her make funny faces. It would stress me out. It wasn't until we had Ace and sheer exhaustion sat in that I realized I was missing something. Something big..and wonderful. HE was holding my babies...my babies WERE burping.....HE was making them smile. These were HIS babies too. And it wasn't until I expected him to help me and do more that he did. I haven't looked back since and i'm so glad.
Harlow, he really is an amazing Dad. He does just as much if not more than me on any given day. Don't rob your husband of the same things you don't want to miss. Taking care of a baby and children is so messy and so rewarding. The real bonds are made from changing the baby...they're getting out of an uncomfortable mess......and feeding them..even if it's chili dogs or pizza for breakfast...the day to day norm. Let him have that joy too. You won't be remembered as a sub par Mom by sharing the parenting load....but you'll be giving your children an amazing gift. And yourself too. Harlow has never been more sexy than when he's caring for our children. Or more hilarious!
Sincerely, from a girl raised by a hands on Dad ;)
 |
| Harlow aka The Swaddle King and Baby Natalie (Photo by Natasha Bowling) |
Friday, November 30, 2012
A "different" list of baby essentials and DIY wrap 2 for under $20.00!!!
I am a mother of 4. I have been given SOOOO much baby advice. And like all mothers...I keep the good and toss the rest..(OR call up my friends and laugh at the bizarre!! For example, tape a quarter to the baby's belly button to turn an outie into an innie! HA!) Here is a list of some of THE best advice i've received and discovered for baby products.
1.) Sandwich bags: These things are great, cheap and found just about everywhere! The reason they're fantastic...you can use them to pack paci's, dirty diapers, medicine AND outfits that get messy when you're out. Explosive diarrhea can happen ANYWHERE. Keep these handy in your diaper bag. And not just for the diaper bag. Nursery too. Diaper genies are pricey...really..they are. Once you add in all the refills...babies go A LOT! Simply keep a box of sandwich bags by the changing table..put your dirty diapers in em.."zip" em up..and toss. Cheap and effective odor control!
2.)Cloth diapers: If you are choosing to cloth diaper..then for obvious reasons. If not..BURP CLOTHS! They really are the best. My cousin, Natasha (also a Mom of 4), got me a 13 pack when I was pregnant with my first baby, Natalie. They really are fantastic. They're actually absorbent! The cutesy ones in boutiques and at Walmart just aren't. AND they're bleachable! And 13 for around $10.00 versus $10.00 for 3 that are basically printed wash cloths...think about it! And if cutesy prints are important to you...stitch some fabric over these. You'd still come out saving $$$...and some of your tops.
3.)This Infant Bather:
The reason it's awesome, well..it's mesh. A newborn is not going to be able to sit comfortably in a plastic tub until they're able to sit. At that point baby can just sit in the bathroom tub! This little $13.00 (found at Walmart) mesh bather holds the baby softly. The baby is not floating up or slipping down which happens in the big bulky plastic tubs. AND it warms up with the water...because it's mesh and like a big cloth. I love these things..they're cheap..and all you'll need until baby is ready to sit in the big people tub :) You can go without ANY tub or bather by simply sitting in the tub with your baby or showering with baby.
4.)THE nasal bulb syringe from the hospital: DO NOT LOSE IT! They're THE best one's you can have. And I haven't been able to buy one in a store that can compete with the one's i've brought home from the hospital with me. They're soft and flexible. Perfect. I don't know why you can't find them in that quality from a store...conspiracy!
5.)White men's T-shirts: This really isn't for baby. And you really don't NEED them. But I LOVE mine. I have 20 white mens v-neck tee's. They're perfect for days at home....and when you're just bringing baby home...especially if you're nursing...you don't really get out that often. At least I don't. They're cheap, bleachable (spit up and baby food stain friendly), they stretch and they look cute with jeans and a cardigan (for when people just SURPRISE you and show up to meet baby) OR with sweat pants. They've become a staple in my Mommy wardrobe.
That's really it for my list...so..here's a wrap tutorial :)
If you've looked at the price tags on a Moby or Boba wrap you know they're not cheap. What you may NOT know is...this is just a 10 ft. piece of Jersey knit cotton fabric. Really....that's it. Now...go check the price of jersey knit cotton fabric. Yup..that's right....on average $3.97 a yard in a fabric store. Since I live in HAZARD there is no fabric store. So..off to Walmart I went. I paid $18.86 for 5 yards. That's all you need. 5 yards. The fabric is usually 50-55 inches wide. The wrap only needs to be 25! So..BARGAIN..2 wraps for under $20.00 versus the price tag on a Moby. I'll take it! Of course you need to cut the fabric in half ...giving you two 5 yard pieces with the width of 25 inches each. TWO WRAPS! Fold one of your pieces in half again...and lets put this thing on!
Find the middle of your fabric..place it in the center of your belly. SEAM side up.
Like this! Where..it's really a personal comfort thing...but you'll want it pretty close under your breasts.
Take one side....and wrap it behind and over your shoulder. CAREFUL not to twist or bunch the fabric. The seam "pocket" should be pointed at your face.
Repeat for the other side. AGAIN..Careful not to twist or bunch.
Should look like this in the back.
Now....Take your shoulder pieces and hold them together...again...careful not to twist or bunch.
Slide them under the piece at your navel.
Now....this depends on which hand is your dominate hand. I'm right handed so I take the right piece over the left. If you're left handed..do the opposite.
AND tie it in the back.
Take baby...lay baby on your dominate shoulder...my right.
Open your little seam pocket.
And slide baby in feet first. Careful to make sure there is fabric between your chest and baby. Baby's head should be resting pretty close/on your heart.
My snuggle buddy was lifting his head though. Take the other pocket and fold over baby. Like so.
Now take the bottom piece and pull over baby's bottom.
And on up!
My little snuggle buddy was wiggly...but here he is...all snuggled in and i'm hands free! To eat...to paint...to sew..to shop. And there ya have it! Wear your baby..on a budget!
1.) Sandwich bags: These things are great, cheap and found just about everywhere! The reason they're fantastic...you can use them to pack paci's, dirty diapers, medicine AND outfits that get messy when you're out. Explosive diarrhea can happen ANYWHERE. Keep these handy in your diaper bag. And not just for the diaper bag. Nursery too. Diaper genies are pricey...really..they are. Once you add in all the refills...babies go A LOT! Simply keep a box of sandwich bags by the changing table..put your dirty diapers in em.."zip" em up..and toss. Cheap and effective odor control!
2.)Cloth diapers: If you are choosing to cloth diaper..then for obvious reasons. If not..BURP CLOTHS! They really are the best. My cousin, Natasha (also a Mom of 4), got me a 13 pack when I was pregnant with my first baby, Natalie. They really are fantastic. They're actually absorbent! The cutesy ones in boutiques and at Walmart just aren't. AND they're bleachable! And 13 for around $10.00 versus $10.00 for 3 that are basically printed wash cloths...think about it! And if cutesy prints are important to you...stitch some fabric over these. You'd still come out saving $$$...and some of your tops.
4.)THE nasal bulb syringe from the hospital: DO NOT LOSE IT! They're THE best one's you can have. And I haven't been able to buy one in a store that can compete with the one's i've brought home from the hospital with me. They're soft and flexible. Perfect. I don't know why you can't find them in that quality from a store...conspiracy!
5.)White men's T-shirts: This really isn't for baby. And you really don't NEED them. But I LOVE mine. I have 20 white mens v-neck tee's. They're perfect for days at home....and when you're just bringing baby home...especially if you're nursing...you don't really get out that often. At least I don't. They're cheap, bleachable (spit up and baby food stain friendly), they stretch and they look cute with jeans and a cardigan (for when people just SURPRISE you and show up to meet baby) OR with sweat pants. They've become a staple in my Mommy wardrobe.
That's really it for my list...so..here's a wrap tutorial :)
If you've looked at the price tags on a Moby or Boba wrap you know they're not cheap. What you may NOT know is...this is just a 10 ft. piece of Jersey knit cotton fabric. Really....that's it. Now...go check the price of jersey knit cotton fabric. Yup..that's right....on average $3.97 a yard in a fabric store. Since I live in HAZARD there is no fabric store. So..off to Walmart I went. I paid $18.86 for 5 yards. That's all you need. 5 yards. The fabric is usually 50-55 inches wide. The wrap only needs to be 25! So..BARGAIN..2 wraps for under $20.00 versus the price tag on a Moby. I'll take it! Of course you need to cut the fabric in half ...giving you two 5 yard pieces with the width of 25 inches each. TWO WRAPS! Fold one of your pieces in half again...and lets put this thing on!
Take one side....and wrap it behind and over your shoulder. CAREFUL not to twist or bunch the fabric. The seam "pocket" should be pointed at your face.
Repeat for the other side. AGAIN..Careful not to twist or bunch.
Should look like this in the back.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Strep throat and maternity jeans!
Sometimes I fight the universe. It's true! I demand positive things! I try to keep positive thoughts on my mind...and positive words in my mouth. The latter is a bit hard. ANYWAY...our family has been fighting a cold. A nasty one...headaches...ear aches...scratchy throats. It's fall..so silly me just assumes allergies and weather changes are to blame. But...in the back of my mind there's this tiny voice saying.."it's strep...oh gosh...what if it's strep!". There are 2 common illnesses that I fear. A stomach virus and STREP THROAT! If they get into our home it seems like they linger for weeks! Strep throat requires everyone going to the doctor($$$..and well, have you ever tried taking 3 or 4 kids to the doctor in the same day?)....everyone getting medicine($$$)....everyone feeling cranky and crappy....time out of school..basically a bad time all around. AND IT LINGERS. It's WAY worse when it's a one at a time deal. But in this instance we lucked out!
Harlow decided he was going to the doctor this morning after dropping off the kids. I refused. I was thinking positive thoughts and deciding that we all just had a sinus infection and would get well on our own. Fighting the universe! Ace was going to go with him but decided he felt better at the last minute so...off to school he went.( Parents of children in his class...I apologize!). *sigh*
I waited at home...feeling awful with my sore throat and headache. The phone rings around 9 am....it's Harlow...out of the doctors office..it's strep. AWESOME! Just awesome! So, I went to find some clothes to put on...Now, I just had Sawyer 4 weeks ago. So..why I decided to pull out my pre-pregnancy skinny jeans I don't know! I got one leg in....HA..pulled them off and sadly walked back in my closet to find my maternity jeans. Tops don't fit either so instead of putting on a maternity top (I REFUSE!) I grabbed one of Harlows sweaters and pulled it on. Maternity jeans and my husbands shirt...I have pretty high self confidence..but lets be honest, any woman would be feeling lousy at this point!
We put the toddler and baby in the van and Harlow drove us to the clinic. Once we're there I realize that I will have to be weighed. I actually got pretty excited to see what the scales read! ( I won't give you guys a number...but lets just say i'll go through a couple pairs of running shoes before I get back into those skinny jeans! ) And answer questions like "Are you still breastfeeding?" ..(No, wish I was...but my body fails at that soooo)...and "Do you drink?" ( No...but now that you mentioned it! )
When we got back in our room I tried busying Weston with magazines and songs. I'm so blessed that we never have to wait long at our doctors office. They came right in and we were out with the sad diagnosis that we, too, have strep! Awesome...so now it's 3 out of 6.
We went straight to the school...checked the kids out and headed straight back to the clinic. SURPRISE SURPRISE 5 out of 6 now! After spending FOREVER in CVS we're now home. With antibiotics, new toothbrushes and tylenol. AND this...
Yes, folks...that is a coffee cup of cheap wine. :) I don't think I could end this day any better!
Harlow decided he was going to the doctor this morning after dropping off the kids. I refused. I was thinking positive thoughts and deciding that we all just had a sinus infection and would get well on our own. Fighting the universe! Ace was going to go with him but decided he felt better at the last minute so...off to school he went.( Parents of children in his class...I apologize!). *sigh*
I waited at home...feeling awful with my sore throat and headache. The phone rings around 9 am....it's Harlow...out of the doctors office..it's strep. AWESOME! Just awesome! So, I went to find some clothes to put on...Now, I just had Sawyer 4 weeks ago. So..why I decided to pull out my pre-pregnancy skinny jeans I don't know! I got one leg in....HA..pulled them off and sadly walked back in my closet to find my maternity jeans. Tops don't fit either so instead of putting on a maternity top (I REFUSE!) I grabbed one of Harlows sweaters and pulled it on. Maternity jeans and my husbands shirt...I have pretty high self confidence..but lets be honest, any woman would be feeling lousy at this point!
We put the toddler and baby in the van and Harlow drove us to the clinic. Once we're there I realize that I will have to be weighed. I actually got pretty excited to see what the scales read! ( I won't give you guys a number...but lets just say i'll go through a couple pairs of running shoes before I get back into those skinny jeans! ) And answer questions like "Are you still breastfeeding?" ..(No, wish I was...but my body fails at that soooo)...and "Do you drink?" ( No...but now that you mentioned it! )
When we got back in our room I tried busying Weston with magazines and songs. I'm so blessed that we never have to wait long at our doctors office. They came right in and we were out with the sad diagnosis that we, too, have strep! Awesome...so now it's 3 out of 6.
Yes, folks...that is a coffee cup of cheap wine. :) I don't think I could end this day any better!
Sunday, November 25, 2012
A new stool for Weston
Our toddler, Weston is just learning to use the potty. He needed a new step stool so he could reach the potty to flush and wash his hands by himself. We try to promote as much independence as possible. The problem is....a good step stool is hard to find! We've had plastic ones....AND wooden ones. But as i've come to find out..even the wooden ones we find in department stores are poor quality and seem to break under the daily use and abuse of my little ones. Harlow, that sweet SWEET man went through his scrap wood pile and found some pieces that would be perfect for what I want. A STURDY STEP STOOL! One to last until our youngest no longer needs one. How many step stools has this woman had to buy to be causing her this must frustration...over something so seemingly mundane.....TOO MANY my friends...way too many! SO here's some photos of Harlow at work. No set plans (we didn't have any..just wen with what we had)....and this is what we ended up with.
Harlow had so much help with this project! Natalie, Aiden and Weston LOVE "helping" Daddy with his woodworking.
I love wood! I really do. rough cut and all pretty and sanded like this. Watching scrap pieces of wood coming together to make something useful.
Now here's where I got crafty. We don't own a wood burning tool. And i really wanted a carved out look to this stool. SOOOO I got to thinking..if I took white paint and used choppy quick brush strokes and painted the words to LOOK like a carving...it just might get me the look I want.
Once it was all phrased up Harlow stained over my lettering with our favorite stain "mission oak". And here is what we got!!!
I LOVE it! And I can't wait to give the finished stool to the kids tomorrow morning.
Thanks Papa Bear! You never fail to give me exactly what we need!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
What to do when the Tooth Fairy FORGETS to stop by!
Our daughter, Natalie, lost her front tooth yesterday. She was SOOOO excited for the tooth fairy to come. Normally i'm on top of this. I make a big deal of it and make special Tooth Fairy coins by painting them with glitter nail polish. She gets up and is so excited to find the sparkly coins. It makes me feel so great to give them a bit of magic. WELL, not this time i'm afraid. You see, I forgot ALL about the tooth fairy's visit last night. I was awakened at 8 am by shrill cries "She forgot me! The Tooth Fairy forgot me!". There is no guilt like Mommy guilt. I felt like crying. Maybe it was the turkey...maybe the fact that i'm running on very little sleep since bringing home Sawyer...either way..no excuse! Harlow, quickly jumped up...smoothly slid $2.00 under her blanket as he pretended to frantically search her room with her. She was satisfied with her dollar bills...but concerned that the tooth fairy had paid her for a tooth she didn't take. My response "She must have been new! I hope she doesn't get into trouble. We better leave it out again tonight...and write her a note!"
Why a note? Because the Tooth Fairy can read any letter you write addressed to her right away! In her mind! It's MAGIC!
Forgive the penmanship. If you can't read my writing..it says
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I hope this letter finds you well. I woke up to realize that you had left my daughter payment for her tooth this morning. Thank you, for a job ALMOST well done. You must have been groggy from eating turkey because you forgot her tooth! We have left it in plain sight tonight as i'm sure you'll be back for it.
Sincerely, Mrs.Ashley Caudill
Natalie's Mom
Then I had Natalie take the letter and her tooth...lay it on her dresser for the Tooth Fairy to find. Then I waited patiently for my sweet girl to fall asleep. I tip toed to her room once I knew she was good and asleep..snapped a picture of her dresser, grabbed the note and tooth..and slipped back out.
I then visited this handy website www.toothfairy.capturethemagic.com. Uploaded my photo..followed the steps...and voila! Mama captured the newbie Tooth Fairy coming back for Natalie's tooth and reading the note!
I hope that i've made this a GREAT memory for her. I could have come clean and told her the sad truth about the Tooth Fairy....but why ruin the magic?!?! And the fun!
Why a note? Because the Tooth Fairy can read any letter you write addressed to her right away! In her mind! It's MAGIC!
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I hope this letter finds you well. I woke up to realize that you had left my daughter payment for her tooth this morning. Thank you, for a job ALMOST well done. You must have been groggy from eating turkey because you forgot her tooth! We have left it in plain sight tonight as i'm sure you'll be back for it.
Sincerely, Mrs.Ashley Caudill
Natalie's Mom
Then I had Natalie take the letter and her tooth...lay it on her dresser for the Tooth Fairy to find. Then I waited patiently for my sweet girl to fall asleep. I tip toed to her room once I knew she was good and asleep..snapped a picture of her dresser, grabbed the note and tooth..and slipped back out.
I then visited this handy website www.toothfairy.capturethemagic.com. Uploaded my photo..followed the steps...and voila! Mama captured the newbie Tooth Fairy coming back for Natalie's tooth and reading the note!
Milestones that REALLY matter.
Sawyer, is our newborn. A whole 3 weeks and 6 days old. Sawyer, has a cold. And if you're a parent you know how pitiful a stuffed up newborn baby can be. The fussiness...the crying...the fighting the sleep! Anyway, for those non-parental friends of mine who have never had to use a nasal bulb syringe ..AKA snot sucker...it's not a pleasant experience. Not for baby...not for Mama and Daddy. While fighting Sawyer to suction his nose..I got to thinking...the baby books really do have it all wrong. Don't get me wrong..sitting up..walking, talking...those are some biggies. But the REAL milestones that count, in my opinion, are:
1.) Being able to blow their own nose! No more nasal bulb syringe, nose frida or crying parents! The kids a lot happier too. But then you get a whole new problem of wiping their noses on their little sleeves....eh..one step at a time!
2.)Self burping! No more patting and waiting. :)
3.)Being able to retrieve their own pacifier! You know you'll enjoy not being woken by shrill cries in the middle of the night...ones that you're sure means you'll find your kids head stuck between the mattress and the bed..or any number of horrible things you imagine in the few feet it takes to get from your bed to theirs. Only to find that it's just their best friend..the paci is missing!
4.)Coming when called as opposed to running and hiding! Now, this could just be my kids..but...we're in this stage with our 2 year old, Weston. He thinks it's a game to run and hide when he hears us call to him. Especially when we're all at the door..ready to leave. He ALWAYS..never fails..turns and bolts..he'll hide under the bed usually. There's been a few times he's been crafty. The most terrifying of these was with Natalie. She was about 2 years old and hid in a clothes rack at our local Walmart. I ran frantically up and down the women's department! SCREAMING her name! It wasn't until I heard a little giggle coming from a rack of dresses that I found her.
5.)Being able to buckle their own seat belt! It's awesome to be able to get in and say.."buckle up!"!
That's all I have for now. Whats your favorite un-celebrated milestone?
1.) Being able to blow their own nose! No more nasal bulb syringe, nose frida or crying parents! The kids a lot happier too. But then you get a whole new problem of wiping their noses on their little sleeves....eh..one step at a time!
2.)Self burping! No more patting and waiting. :)
3.)Being able to retrieve their own pacifier! You know you'll enjoy not being woken by shrill cries in the middle of the night...ones that you're sure means you'll find your kids head stuck between the mattress and the bed..or any number of horrible things you imagine in the few feet it takes to get from your bed to theirs. Only to find that it's just their best friend..the paci is missing!
4.)Coming when called as opposed to running and hiding! Now, this could just be my kids..but...we're in this stage with our 2 year old, Weston. He thinks it's a game to run and hide when he hears us call to him. Especially when we're all at the door..ready to leave. He ALWAYS..never fails..turns and bolts..he'll hide under the bed usually. There's been a few times he's been crafty. The most terrifying of these was with Natalie. She was about 2 years old and hid in a clothes rack at our local Walmart. I ran frantically up and down the women's department! SCREAMING her name! It wasn't until I heard a little giggle coming from a rack of dresses that I found her.
5.)Being able to buckle their own seat belt! It's awesome to be able to get in and say.."buckle up!"!
That's all I have for now. Whats your favorite un-celebrated milestone?
Friday, November 23, 2012
Displaying your kids artwork...BEYOND THE FRIDGE!
If your home is like mine..you're bombarded with drawings! Drawings from school, drawings from Sunday school, drawings from the doctors office...you get it...i'm sure. Even being covered in paper...I still can't make myself throw it away! Maybe it's watching them actually creating..maybe it's the look on their faces when they excitedly show me their work. I have a difficult time de-cluttering the paper. With that said, I had to get creative with displaying all this ART!
Now some pieces are just too precious not to showcase ALL the time..ya know, for all who visit to enjoy.
These are some cheap ($5.00 for 2) diploma frames I snagged at Big Lots. Easy to switch the pictures out...The glass pops off the front.
I also use a curtain rod with jump rings attached to clothes pins. It's our brag board for good grades and reports from school. I'm also working on compiling a book. Snapping pictures of their artwork and making a photo album is a GREAT way to hold onto those memories and still keep from drowning in paper. Of course this means you can toss the originals..without guilt. Just not in front of your littles...of course :)
Now some pieces are just too precious not to showcase ALL the time..ya know, for all who visit to enjoy.
These are some cheap ($5.00 for 2) diploma frames I snagged at Big Lots. Easy to switch the pictures out...The glass pops off the front.
OR
We use our windows! We have these 3 big windows in the kitchen of the double wide. (Excuse the bareness of it..we're in the middle of a complete overhaul of this place. I'll blog more on that later. SO excited though...picture a massive craft project...anyway..)The kids LOVE to cover them in their art and crafts. Showcased now is their turkeys from Thanksgiving.
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