The REAL Daddy issue

  If you have me on facebook, then you know that the topic of  involved Dads is VERY dear to me.  It's one thing to have a husband who works and provides for his family...that's fantastic!  You have an excellent provider.  There's a BIG difference in a provider and an involved Dad.  Let me explain.
  An involved Dad is one who does 80 to 100% as much as you do with and for your child/children.  The diaper changes, the night time feedings, the boo boo kisses..the breakfast making.  ALL that.  No good marriage is 50/50..it's 100/100...parenting is the same.   And to those single Mom's...you amazing fantastic ladies..you do 200!  But you're a whole other post!
  I get so frustrated to hear a Mom say that her husband is "babysitting".  No...NO..NO..if your husband has his own children..it's parenting.  I think it starts when you bring baby home.  As Mom's there's so much pressure these days to be BUSY.  And perfect.  You see women who work full time jobs and their kids are in all kinds of sports.  Or you see the new Mom who's already in her size 5 pre pregnancy jeans, her baby NEVER seems to cry and she just gave birth 2 months ago.  It looks legit!  And facebook doesn't help!  You see posts and pictures of how wonderful and together everyone has it.  What you don't see is the honest to God story.  You don't see that it took 2 hours to get that photo of that happy baby.  Or the fact that the Mom who works full time struggles just to get 5 minutes of quality time with her kids....you get it....no one has it all together.  Not really.  We're all just learning as we go.  AND that brings it back around to Dad.  In the same way that no one is just born having it all together as a mother.....no man is just born knowing how to be a Dad.
  Admit it...you've accidentally given your baby formula thats sat out longer than it should.  Bottles get confusing in the middle of the night!  Breast feeding isn't easy for every woman!  Swaddling isn't something you just naturally knew how to do!  It takes time...trial and error.  It's the same for men!
  I remember bringing Natalie home, she was our first baby, and I wanted to be perfect for her.  The ultimate Mom.  I never wanted her to cry...I never wanted her to feel cold...I counted her dirty diapers for goodness sake!  I had read every book I could get my hands on about parenting.  From attachment parenting to the ferber method.  Then I decided that I really didn't need it.  I took the good..and chucked the ridiculous.   I lost my Mom when I was 11...so I really relied on the internet, books and my cousins (LOVE you for always taking my calls Tasha!) when I had questions.  And it wasn't until I started following my own instincts that it all came together.  And do you know who got left out of all this parenting decision making...poor Harlow.  Here he was...holding my precious angel like a football.....burping her all "wrong"...blowing in her face to make her make funny faces.  It would stress me out.  It wasn't until we had Ace and sheer exhaustion sat in that I realized I was missing something.  Something big..and wonderful.  HE was holding my babies...my babies WERE burping.....HE was making them smile.  These were HIS babies too.  And it wasn't until I expected him to help me and do more that he did.  I haven't looked back since and i'm so glad.
  Harlow, he really is an amazing Dad.  He does just as much if not more than me on any given day.  Don't rob your husband of the same things you don't want to miss.  Taking care of a baby and children is so messy and so rewarding.  The real bonds are made from changing the baby...they're getting out of an uncomfortable mess......and feeding them..even if it's chili dogs or pizza for breakfast...the day to day norm.  Let him have that joy too.  You won't be remembered as a sub par Mom by sharing the parenting load....but you'll be giving your children an amazing gift.  And yourself too.  Harlow has never been more sexy than when he's caring for our children.  Or more hilarious!
Sincerely, from a girl raised by a hands on Dad ;)

Harlow aka The Swaddle King and Baby Natalie (Photo by Natasha Bowling)