"What are we doing wrong?" Harlow asked me tonight at the kitchen table. I've got to admit it's been one of our roughest days with the kids. My reply.."I really want to spend more time with them..but they're just SO mean!" It's so sad...and so true.
When I was pregnant with Natalie I pictured all the wonderful things we would do together. What a wonderful mother i'd be for her. I pictured us cuddling on the couch watching Disney movies. I pictured us having tea parties in the living room. I pictured her sitting in the tub washing her dolls hair as I blissfully and gently washed hers. What I DIDN'T picture was a daughter who would fight with her brothers over where they would sit on the couch for half the movie and throw popcorn. OR for her to break half of her lovely antique tea set by throwing it in her toy box. OR a child who absolutely LOATHES having her hair washed. The reason I can't be the mother I imagined for her is because she's not the child I imagined.
No one pictures having children who misbehave. No one actually dreams of a son who pees on you in the middle of worship at church! No one pictures that they will fight and scream and at times make you feel like taking a good week long vacation from them. No...no one ACTUALLY pictures the REALITY of parenting. That it's not going to be like a sitcom. That sometimes instead of a movie on the couch with the family you're going to get a wrestling match that rivals pay per view WWE(Thats still a thing...right?). But here we are....with these children..these children who are truly OURS. Not imaginary make believe ones. I mean really....where's the line for the children who are always well behaved and never back talk?
I think that to become truly AMAZING parents we have to become the best parents we can be for the children we have. Mean and all! And accept that family time isn't always going to be warm and fuzzy....but does it really have to be? Won't these beautiful creatures look back and see parents who really tried and loved them? And I bet these memories will look VERY different to them. And isn't that the whole point? To make memories.
And you can't know how to protect and love a child until you truly know them. Each is different...with different needs. Until we step away from the cookie cutter image of what a family is "supposed" to look like can we really love our own for the way it is. So what if we don't hang Christmas lights? So what if my kids swimming in the Baptistry (Oh yeah...that happened!), so what if ...just SO WHAT. From now on I vow to just go with it....hope for the best and give them all I have. And love them even more when they're really unlovable. AND Thank God he made them cute!
Holding Down Hazard. Crafting, parenting 4 kids and juggling life's CRAZIES!
I really needed this tonight Ash. Def. put tears in my eyes because I was thinking the exact same thing today with my son. Love reading your blog, it's great.
ReplyDeleteI really can't imagine raising 4 children. I don't even want to imagine it. All I can tell you is that you MUST let them play and even play outside when it's chilly. Kids have to burn off all that energy and man do they have plenty to spare. When Dylan comes for his visits Dave has 3 to deal with ages 7, 5 and 3. Just old enough to get into REAL trouble. He bundles them up makes them go outside to play for a while if it's not freezing temps. If they stay inside they would surely tear the house down. They tattle, fuss and fight all the time if they are not allowed to go outside. Dave is praying for an early Spring! It's all that energy and if they are all couped up together it's hell for certain. I really empathize with your situation because i would truely pull my hair out. If I were you, where ever I moved to I would look for a place with a fenced in yard.
ReplyDeleteLove ya honey and goodluck.
By the way I love your blog.
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